Perfectionism
Welcome to MamaNeedJava! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Motherhood and perfectionism make a pretty ugly couple.
Here’s why:
- Perfectionism breeds discontent
- Perfectionism sets yourself and those around you up for failure
- Perfectionism robs you of the joy of the present
- Perfectionism keeps you perpetually selfish
- Perfectionism never delivers what is promises; Perfection.
This topic has kept me mulling over it for days, the majority of my thoughts being written for other ventures. Perhaps the biggest “aha” for me has been to read about it in the book Amazing Grace, by Kathleen Norris. Who knew that the meaning behind the word “perfect” in the gospels actually referred to something like “maturity” rather than an unrealistic state of achievement?
On a similar note, I am stumbling upon the reoccuring theme that God loves and accepts me, regardless of anything I could say or do to earn it, which is alltogether relieving, and equally uncomfortable. Perhaps that has something to do with my entire image of a father, taken from my earthly one. I grew up with a sense that I was never going to be wise enough, never have enough depth, enough vision, enough something. I still hear it in small comments when we are together, I still feel in me the childish itch to display my feeble wisdom before him in hopes of a little quiet revolution that makes it official: talkative, jump the gun Vivian has got something besides hot air in her head. And maybe that’s partly the reason why I approach my heavenly Father with such humility, refusing to put down my shame and my labels and let Him accept me just as I am. My actions always say something like, “Yeah yeah, you love me cause you have to and all, but if I could just [fill in the blank] then you’d REALLY love me!” Not to mention that the only way to appear perfect to some one is to not let them get too close! What a great excuse to avoid prayer: “God, I need to be perfect for you, so if I just don’t share anything with you, maybe you’ll not realize I’m so naive, prideful, and desperate.”
This is a form of perfectionism, because behind perfectionism, beyond the selfishness, lies fear of failure and rejection. And a fear of failure and rejection should be driven totally out by the justification of the gospel, by the taking on of Jesus’ righteousness and the utter need to feel enthusiastic love inclusive of our nuances and immaturities.
But sometimes its just not an easy lesson to learn.
I can totally relate with this struggle. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves because we yearn to be worthy of love. We have to be patient with ourselves as we strive to make improvements. Jesus is our strength and our guide as we learn to accept ourselves and others.