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Dear God,

Is there some sort of personals in the prayer category? If so, can you please post the following wanted ad? Oh, and make sure to season the heart’s of all readers to understand that not one item on this list is intended to offend any current “friends”? I am, after all, praying from the heart here.
Thanks, God, you’re the best!
Your gal,
Viv

Seeking IDEAL friend…

Must:

• Enjoy public transportation and biking.
• Live in the Portland area. (Exception: If you meet all other requirements, I will consider relocating. Tomorrow.)
• Be “green”, through and through. Though they can shave their armpits, that’s cool. We are girl’s after all.
• Be able to put up with a moody BFF, and occasionally her moody Hubby and their moody 2 year old…(the favor will be returned!)
• Must be able to get jiggy with it on whim, participate in Dance Party’s, and willing to subject themselves to public humiliation on my blog, even if it is two years after the event. The way I see it, if I am willing to put it on here when I was 30 pounds heavier and no make up, you can live (see video at the end for further example.)
• Likes fine beverages (coffee, tea, wine?)
• Enjoys movies, music and books.
• Lost fanatic (yeah yeah, this is my IDEAL list, and with God, all things are possible.)
• Must be okay with too-close-for-comfort conversations (sex, poop, periods, money, it’s all on the table!)
• Enjoys throwing and coming to slumber parties, girl nights, cocktails, what have you.
• Abides by basic laws of land and/or common sense - i.e. not smoking, speeding, lying, and other such shenanigans.
• Willingness to “paint the town” on occasion.
• Enjoys perusing second-hand stores and prefers used to new, with the exclusion of undergarments.
• Must think this blog post is hilarious, not lame and desperate.

Preferred:

• In their twenties
• Does not need to have children, but can’t hate them either.
• Does not need to have a husband… but can’t hate them either.
• Christian- ish
• Creative

Need NOT apply:

• Men. (Sorry, I know so many of you were hoping to be my best friend and all.)
• Picky eaters… and anyone who has a strong distaste for peanut butter, seafood, or cheese.

Disclaimer:

• Lots and lots of laughter and sarcasm will be involved in this position; be prepared for sore abs.

Video:

I want to point out that we have yet to fulfill our vow to hold another Make Your Own Music Video Night in which Steph and I have gotten really skinny and worn cute pj’s like Morgan rather than our Moo Moo’s. Ya’ll owe me.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 3rd, 2008 at 10:34 pm and is filed under Amigos