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Dear Diary,

8:45am: I woke up later than I wanted to, for I had to be at work by 10 am which is like SO early for a WAHM to be decently dressed and walking 1/2 mile to pick up the #4 to downtown, ready to pull off my first ever Podcasting experience. It was all the windows fault. There was too much light coming in last night and I couldn’t sleep. So I did what all of us po’ folk do- I grab the nearest blanket I could live without and stuffed it up around the top of the mini-blinds so as to create makeshift drapes. That was about midnight or so, I suppose. So in the morning, when I normally get up by at least 7:30, it was nice and dark and quiet (just so happens Lil’ E ALSO slept in … thankyoujesus.)

9:15am: Catch the #6 instead so I can make a stop at the Starbucks for a quick po’ folk 8 oz. coffee, then catch the MAX from the convention center into downtown. Wait for the MAX for what felt like forever, coffee already cold, and a few sightings of snowflakes. It was a very rainy day and I was cute dumb enough to wear little gray ballet looking slip-ons. Real good, Viv, real good.

9:59am: Arrive to the office with one minute to spare, having bounded through the rain and puddles downtown with my purse and digital camcorder on my shoulders and my laptop case trailing behind me on wheels. Office is still dark and locked up- I’ve beat the boss! Dang I’m good.

10:20am: Call my boss. Realize I missed the e-mail that he wasn’t going to be in until after 11am.

10:45am: Finally get my STUPID VISTA OPERATING SYSTEM to connect to the unsecured network of the ground floor’s coffee shop to plug in to work and enjoy some HOT tea while I wait.

11:45am - 3:00pm: Podcasting 101.

3:00pm: Dismissed from work but its pouring. Sit down at the coffee shop once again and have my lunch- I’m told the “Stinky Hippie” is a soy chai latte. “Ah, that’s a wholesome po’ folk lunch”, I think. I order. I taste. Nope, this is a soy latte. No Chai. (You know, if you can’t get a drink right, how about try NOT naming it things like, oh I don’t know, STINKY HIPPIE, when all it is is a soy chai. Might that clear up some confusion? Just a thought.) But I am really a-okay with soy latte’s so I drink anyway. I forget about my problem of espresso on an empty stomach. (And no, I’m not referring to the BM’s… that is not to say this isn’t also a problem, but for now I simply mean the shaky hands and queasy stomach feeling.)

3:45pm: Waiting for MAX again. Once on, I must decide which way to turn my nose… to my right is a man in black leather with a long gray beard who smells something awful of cigarette’s, while periodically laughing at himself for no reason in particularly. To my left: a fairly normal looking, just-over-the-hill-aged man who must have a cat hoarding problem; he smells like PAH-IS! Naturally, I pick the powerfully odored urine man with the slightly less creepy disposition.

4:00pm: Getting more nauseous from the urine smell and praying I don’t pass out completely. Some one has got to guard my purse, digital camcorder and laptop.

4:15pm: Home again, home again, clickity clack.

5:00pm: We needs diapers, eggs and yogurt. What does a car-less family do in such circumstances? Layer up, walk the mile to the grocery store. Dark outside? Raining? Cold? Minor insignificant details. We are tough cookies, yes we are.

6:00pm: Eating a po’ man’s dinner for a family of 3 with no time to prepare a meal: Cheesy bread - $2.99 (an actual pizza is too expensive). Family dinner? Priceless.

6:45pm: Lil’ E to bed. I tried to think of something witty for this one but I’m at a loss.

7:30pm: Yoga night!

8:30pm: Ouch! The Scorpion. I point out to the yoga instructor, “this is the type of stuff they do on the magazine covers”; Little ol’ noobie Vivian cannot do this. But try, little engine, try. Does any one know about this stuff? Why is it that from this position on I have had some crazy lower back feelings of an almost maternal nature? Some powerful mothering feelings, almost like some deep seated tension from carrying a belly with a hyper-extended back for 9.5 months. Who knows.

9:30pm: My new hobby of skyping (and I’ll have to blog about that another time!) with my best friend for several hours, where I get to practice all of my comedic lines to blog about later. If they fly on her, they are in.

12:00am: Shower. Lay down in bed. The whole room is a-quiver with Hubby’s snoring- his body a 215 pound subwoofer.

12:20am: Up again. Grab some rice milk and cookie dough and start blogging.

12:30am: Dang this cookie dough is da bomb diggity. And 70% organic ingredients too!

Yep, that’s right ya’ll: Organic Fat. Only the best fat for this ass.

(Chat-practiced that line too. Might copyright it, whatcha think?)

For the record, no, this is not my typical diet!

This EcoMetro post is pretty interesting, considering the advance of cyclist’s all around the world. The “red bike” program mentioned in the post sounds perfect for this area. I was even thinking about the possibility of visitors to our new home being able to hop on the bikes with us since we do not have a car- this way they can rent them for the ride!

Saturday we ventured the farthest yet, with beautiful weather we decided to bike to the DIY Advent Craft Fair Imago put on in SE Portland. The total miles we biked were about 7. This was our route (thanks to www.byCycle.org):

We had so much fun and it really didn’t take as long as we thought it would. Nearly every street we were on had a bike lane, since we chose “safest” route on the trip planner site. Before moving to Portland, we would hop on our bike’s to go to the park and I don’t recall ever passing another biker. Plus, we had to stay on the sidewalk- Lakeland was definitely dominated by vehicles and I wouldn’t have dared to ride in street!

Bike accidents in Portland have been on the news lately, and now that I’ve been out more I realize that many fellow bikers do not wear their helmets, do not stay in the bike lanes, and do not stop for red lights. Hubby and I are novices at best, but we never ride without helmets, ride through the lights or even stop signs, and we do our best to use hand signals to communicate with each other and other vehicles. Maybe that’s uncool, but when toting precious cargo, coolness isn’t a priority!

Well, this was pretty random but hey, its what’s on my mind. The only other thing I can share is that I’ve had a bad migraine since yesterday afternoon and every thing I smell makes me queasy, along with a pounding headache. This is pretty abnormal for me so I’m a bit puzzled, but I’m sure it will pass soon. Any one got any homeopathic remedies for migraines (Diane?!)

Today was a real eye opener for me, not that anything incredibly new happened, but it was just sort of filled with little ways to reduce, reuse, recycle and limit your carbon footprint and all that and it happened so effortlessly that I am left wondering why in the world didn’t we do this sooner?

Let me explain:

Today we had to run a few errands at lunch time- our first errands via bicycles. A normal trip out to Freddy Myer’s on Broadway takes us by car about 10 minutes with traffic lights and parking. By bike? 15 minutes, tops. I couldn’t believe how quickly we were there, and how easy it is to pull Lil’ E behind me on a trailer- I could hardly tell I was pulling the extra weight in comparison to having him up on a seat. One of the things we needed from Freddy’s was rain boots for Ethan, because we’re going with the church to Sauvie Island Pumpkin Patch tonight and it might be muddy. We found some for 14.99, though he liked a different one with a dinosaur face on it but they did not have it in his size.

After we got several bags full of things stuffed in the bike trailer (there sure is a lot of room in that thing!), we stopped to split a grilled veggie burrito at Cha Cha Cha’s for 4.00. Next door is Bella Stella Resale, where I knew she’s had a good selection of random used rainboots and coats in the past. So I popped in and low and behold- the dinosaur boots were there, in his size, slightly used, for $6.99. (Needless to say we’ll be returning the other ones!)

Upon returning home in again what felt like record time, we were greeted by a box full of produce from Organics to You, our first weekly order of home delivered organic produce and grocery items. Here is what came in this week’s “small” bin for $30:

• 4 Gala Apples - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 4 Fuji Apples - *LOCAL, farm direct
• 3 Bartlett Pears - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 3-4 Bananas
• 1 Cauliflower - *LOCAL*
• 1-2 Leeks - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1 Kale - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1 bunch Carrots - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1 bunch Parsley - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1 bunch Green Onions - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1 bunch Celery - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1-2 Onions - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 1-2 Delicatta Squash - *LOCAL, farm direct*
• 2-3 baby Bok Choy - *LOCAL*

Everything was in great shape, fresh, not over or under ripe at all. I was delighted to see things I don’t normally pick out, like Bok Choy and Delicatta Squash, as well as some yummy favorites like Cauliflower and lots of apples. We have so much that I will have to go down to the one person bin for next week, or skip a week.

I must say, being on the bike for the errands kinda took the “errands” part of it out of the trip. Unlike a car, there is fresh air, scenery, you take back roads and kinda just enjoy yourself. Lil’ E took a nap, Hubby and I got some exercise. No wonder people do this in Europe all the time. What is America thinking???

Anyway! It was also VERY NICE to stop at the bank and deposit the sale of the car today. Whoopie!

Final thought? Carpooling is not only green, its also sweet. Our friend Eric offered to tote us to Sauvieland tonight, thanks Eric!

It’s official. We have no more car! It’s a little scary, to be honest. But we thought it through a lot and I think we’ll be okay once we begin to use the local bus’, bikes, and FLEX cars more. I got a $70 bike trailer off Craigslist now so I also have a way to take back library books and pick up peanut butter at the grocery store, lol.

I’ve actually been kinda excited about the aspect of us taking more time to plan things and not end up running errands inefficiently.  I wonder how much gas we used in the last 4-5 months simply going 1 mile and back from the movie rentals and grocery store, when we could’ve done one trip per week or something and actually been organized about it! Well, this morning we catch the bus to church and back, which is actually a pretty sweet deal. It’s the same bus the whole way, and the driving time is about 30 minutes, which it takes us to get there anyway. There’s more walking time, which Hubby and I rather enjoy.

I think the most difficult aspect will be Hubby’s now 2-3 hour commute each day, along with the $100 monthly pass for the Washington busline. Interestingly, his boss has offered an old truck he could use for his commute, so we’ll see how that pans out. So long as the gas doesn’t exceed the pass, it could work out nicely. Don’t you just love generous people? It makes you want to go out and help others too. But that’s a whole other post.

That’s what life feels like for me lately. It seems I should be a little further along sometimes, having gotten my “edumacation”, being married for nearly 5 years, a mommy for 2+pregnancy, working, bla bla bla- those should surely qualify me for a self-titled “intermediate”, right? Instead I feel in so many ways as though life has just begun. As though my lungs are crushing with the weight of my first breath of oxygen: I know nothing.

Yep, the lovely twenties, full blown in effect.

One of my many humble philosophies on life is sort of a “mind over matter” one- with regards to vices, depression, stress, so forth. Though I must have a zillion crutches that I don’t even think about or consider them as such, the ones I recognize I typically do away with rather quickly. Example- if I notice I’m using wine to “relax” too often, I’ll begin to formulate a different way to relax that is healthier, no side effects, etc etc. Aromatherapy, massage, yoga, whatever. I even considered recently the homeopathic medicinal value of herbs such as St. John’s Wort or Kava, though in the end even those had side effects I’d rather not deal with, not to mention that you cannot be on them while pregnant or nursing and that chapter of my life isn’t exactly over yet, so might as well not even get started on the treatment.

Side note: I recently read an article in a parenting e-zine where the writer and mother of the story confessed that she turned her weekend vice of smoking a little weed while her son is not around into a “one hitter” commonality whenever she needed to “get through the day” with her son. I wanted to scream at such stupidity, especially as nearly every single comment (there were over 80) to the on-line article went back and forth between arguing about the legality of pot or the irresponsibility of the mom while she is the care-giver for a young child, etc etc. While all those arguments are interesting, I felt like they really missed the point. Why not get to the deeper issue (IMHO) and learn to deal with your stress and anxiety as a mother without “mother’s little helpers” at all? Perhaps such levels of annoyance indicate a major change needs to happen, as in, more sleep, better diet, a little exercising, prayer (yikes, touchy subject!) or even counseling. I also feel, (though this opinion might get me stoned), that too many (esp mothers) turn quickly to the latest prescription drug for helping them cope BEFORE giving the aforementioned suggestions a hearty attempt. (Okay, that’s all I’ll say now about my extreme skepticism of allopathic medicine! Another day, another post)

As for me, I “confess” that I can fall into mild feelings of lethargy, depression, anxiety or what have you, certain circumstances trigger it more than others of course. I can tell when I want to “hide” that the cloud is over me. Luckily, it rarely effects my ability to fulfill responsibilities, although it does make doing them more difficult. Anyhow, this all to say that I am sort of in one of these periods lately and have the foreboding feeling that it hasn’t even completely run its course yet (it’s only the beginning!)- with upcoming cold, sunless, rainy days of Portland’s winter ahead, the holidays without friends and family around, hubby working double shifts nearly every day, and my only “hey, let’s go chill” friend starting a full-time job and having her mom come live with her, all of this seems to be indicators to me lately that I’ve got to catch this mood at the beginning and prepare for the “dark night of the soul” that could be quite lonely if I don’t proceed carefully.

This post has taken a slight detour from its original “I might finally know that I don’t know anything” but trust me, its all related!

So I’m open to anything, bar substance abuse, traditional Western medicine, lol, and perhaps some others things I haven’t thought of, to help me trudge along this phase with a deeply joyful heart. I have absolute assurance that this won’t happen without a much greater awareness of the daily conversation God is having with me, and perhaps I could even try responding more often in prayer instead of avoidance. From there, I’ve got to start reading some good books, doing my yoga again, and making sure my oil burner is always going with lavender, chamomile, and clary sage. Another tip: avoid too much refined sugars, alcohol and caffeine (yes, even here at “mama NEED java” we can all agree on the “too much of a good thing” factor )

If any one else can relate to what I’ve just shared, here’s a toast to your journey onward. To the other’s, I apologize for wasting your time on a very Vivian-centered subject (esp since my last post was one too!) and promise to upload a great movie tomorrow of Ethan singing songs.

I’ve had some pervasive thoughts lately, regarding time and waste, primarily.

And you are forewarned: this is a rant.

As I shared previously, I’ve been reading into some Waldorf-ish child development stuff lately, and I’m beginning to wonder if some how or another I am reclaiming my own childhood, values, virtues, principles, creativity, thought-life, and so on. Whether its regarding “seasons” I rarely experienced growing up in south Florida, songs and rhymes with motions I had long forgotten,  or childhood experiences I was enriched and blessed by my father’s insistence on playing outdoors with the good ol’ earth and sun and tree house- how EASY it is to become a regular American girl who puts a gazillion Baby Einstien DVD’s on her baby registry and sets out to pace her own family in the ideals of this consumer country with little thought to the down right twisted circle of it all.

I don’t remember a lot of cartoons from my early childhood. I half way remember enjoying Pee Wee’s Playhouse on Saturday mornings through a fuzzy screen of a small, rabbit eared TV in our one bedroom apartment on the Peace River. But I do remember the activities, the games my brother and I created and played with neighboring children in backyard’s and at the marina’s edge. I remember all kinds of “natural” things that thrilled me, down to singing the “Our Father” with my dad when I went to sleep. I read books and colored a hundred times more than I watched tv or movies, that’s for sure. My brother and I made a game out of spelling long words (”perpendicular” was my favorite!) or counting to one hundred when I was just starting grade school. By the time I was in kindergarten, I distinctly recall my frustration that the majority of the other children could not read a simple book or color in the lines or cut out a pattern.

And I don’t know why this was; I don’t know how much tv they watched or what type of parents they had or if we were just plan ol different and that’s that.  I’m merely reflecting on my own experiences as I now filter THROUGH them and try to imagine what memories my son will have in his twenties. I can only say that I can’t imagine who I would be today if I had grown up as so many kids are right now - with oodles of television and computer games and dvd’s in the back of the minivan (what ever happened to car games? I Spy and so on?! I was entertained during 5-15 hour drives with these games!) How sad that they memorize names like Dora and Diego and Elmo and Blues Clues before they even get down the names of their grandparent’s!

I also think of all the senseless hours I’ve wasted in the last decade on tv shows. I’m not talking about an awesome film or favorite show here and there- I mean the AM news, the daytime talks, down to the 11 pm news and Late Night shows, I mean I’ve seen them all- and when I looked around, every one I knew my age was doing the same thing, so I don’t think I’m alone in this! And we wonder all the time where all the hours go in the day and why our nation’s children are overweight on the whole. Maybe because so many of them are NOT out riding bikes and climbing trees and getting sweaty and grimy until dinner time every day? Most at best finish their homework and then play video games. Some have competitive sports or teams they are on, but few teens have an active, healthy LIFESTYLE. My own darling Hubby (very big TV fan, btw) has to “zone out” for most of his hours before or after a work shift with the boob tube- the mere thought of taking a walk four hours before he must clock in is too much (not cracking on him here, just pointing out a difference, okay?) I remember where we lived in Florida, our house was less than a mile from several chain restaurants, a grocery store, even a “Family Fun” place with put put golfing and so on. Yet if we needed a few things from the store or anything, we drove. We got into our automobiles and drove literally around the corner in perfect weather. This seems so silly to me now, and not a wonder I struggled with a flabby butt for the last 5 years! Now I’ve got to re-learn what it means to be active- not a 30 minutes a day exercise regime or gym membership, not a weekend outing here and there- but riding my bike and walking as a MODE OF TRANSPORTATION, weeding and pruning the garden, staying busy with things like this for several hours of every day, allowing the isty bitsy spider to make a web from the tree to the hood of my car because I so rarely use it! (It’s on Craigslist, if any one is interested!)

I was really inspired by a No Impact Man post recently, in which he muses over the fact that we live in a culture that WATCHES everything happening but rarely DOES anything. Why learn an instrument or allow yourself to sing in front of others, let alone connect with others in an intimate way on a regular basis, if you can simply watch such connections in a movie and listen to much better music on the stereo?

And don’t even get me started on 50, 60- 80 hour work weeks that deteriorate our health, families, and quality of life. “More-more-more!”: I’m guilty of it, very guilty of it, trust me. But I am getting MORE MORE MORE bothered by the time this way of living robs from me and the things I could be DOING and learning and how rich my life would be if I got a few priorities straightened out (i.e. putting money/things at the bottom!)

Well, there is a perfectly good afternoon out there right now, so I’m gonna scat now. Scat… isn’t that the word for animal droppings. Ew.

I’ve been getting this “feeling” lately that others get a bit ticked off if I act too enthusiastic about Portland. Like, yeah yeah but my city is really awesome too, bla bla bla. Newsflash- me. no. care. I lu-huv P’town and am completely convinced that, although this is not a friggin competition, its the best city in the nation, hands down. Sucka!

Okay, enough of that, woah, where did THAT come from? sheesh.

Here’s a little bit of this rockin’ city’s hiking trail about 15 minutes from us, called Forest Park, the NATION’S most premier URBAN PARK (tee hee).Together with our Home Community, we only walked a bit of the Lief Erickson Trail before heading back, what with toting two toddlers in the group. Most memoriable factor: picking wild blackberries!

Afterwards, very nice new friend Eric treated us to dinner at Widmer’s Gausthaus, the state’s largest local brewery. Mmmm, good.

See for yourself:

Church-wide kickball tournament today (alll day) was hot and fun and all the things a good kickball tournament should be.

Unfortunately, the “Grass Kickers” (pun intended) kicked a little more grass than a*s today, but our first victory was a last minute “we are the champions” feeling. Too bad we lost the next two games, but every one had a good time so its allll good. In some ways I’m actually glad Hubby’s not an athlete, as the one time he joins a game he comes home smelling like beer and garlic. :O

Check out the pics and video and please ignore my shameless-and-so-not-funny humor: as I said, it was very hot; I was delirious.