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This week held some surprises for me, some struggles and uprooting too. I enjoy having family and friends into our home, but as we all know, it invariably can bring with it the added history, dynamics, habits, and so on. Having company or living in close proximity with family or friends is one of the hardest ways I have had to “learn” community. It can unveil covered up resentment, bitterness and grudges in ways that only a close community can. You can find yourself, as I did a lot in the last few weeks, spouting off things you never thought about first, surprising yourself at your own subconsious (?) level of downright ugliness.

If I had a dollar for all of the unforgiveness that goes on in me and in my home,  let me tell you, that tax refund would pale in comparison!

The discussion at Evergreen today was on this idea of peace, both with God and with others. Forgiveness and reconciliation were facets to peace that resonated with me in a “holy crap, you’ve tapped my prayers” kinda way. I had been learning some major junk lately about having more grace and mercy with others, and seeing how many things I thought I had forgiven that I truly had not (and all the countless things I need forgiveness for, 99% of which I am grossly oblivious too, which I also suppose needs forgiving.) It was just last night that I sat on the floor in my dark room asking for peace, and experienced a few moments, maybe whole minutes, where the room inside my mind went quiet and what I heard was this:

There is an eternity.

I didn’t expect that. It certainly wasn’t what I was praying about, on first glance. But the more that sentence sunk in (and it had to, because there were literally no other words or thoughts in my head but this, despite my best effort!), the more I realized that the pain or chaos I feel is universal, recycled, shared- and that the fact that there is an eternity some how makes this one moment where I am pleading for God to calm the storm of anger or hurt in me a little bit, well, okay. I mean, think about it. There is an eternity. An eternity to feel, to heal, to grow, to love. And- there is a God of that eternity, a God of me, who can fill all of my deepest emptiness with everything that is full.

Whether this is true to you or not, this is going on in my life.

What followed church this morning was a lovely day, a chilly but “bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day”. Even included my first Voodoo doughnut (YUM-OH!) (… and NO, if you happen to look at the menu… I did not order a cock-n-balls. That’s just nahs-tey.)

P.S. Have I mentioned lately just how much I love my family? Cause I really, really do.

Of course, watching the eclipse from the rooftop last night made Lil’ E want to sing about twinklin’ stars… on about the third round (he went on and on) I grabbed it on the camera’s video (sorry about the sideways thing!)

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared some photos!

Check us out, doin this or that around town. Snapped some shots of what my last post described- the opened tulips, the many Spring shoots and early blooming flowers! Check out Peter Rabbit runnin around, as well as the melted crayola “stain glass” butterflies we made today! Can anyone say “Spring Has ALMOST Sprung?!”

We’ve been going to a new church for a couple of weeks, (I’ll be sure to blog about this another time in more detail). This church happens to meet at a pub house, and after service a good bit of the church stays around to order lunch and hang out with each other. Due to our increasing need to save money, we split a lunch last week and snacked on a bowl of salted in-shell peanuts. Yum!

When we saw how much Lil’ E enjoyed them, we bought a big bag at Whole Foods. Today our downstairs neighbors and friends were out on the back porch and told us that this bird has been eating peanuts out of their hand! I quickly joined the fiasco (anything to avoid work, I tell ya!) by opening up the window and handing the bird peanuts we bought this week. We’ve been feeding this Western Scrub-Jay all afternoon, he is very friendly and comes right up to our windowsill for a snack (see video). Apparently they are known for hoarding brightly colored objects (I had to fend Hubby off of my few pieces of jewelry when he read that!)

Just had to give “Scrub” an honorary mention in my blog!

How cool is this!

Anything that has J.R. Tolkien, live music, food, all-ages welcome and canned goods entry fee is FINE BY ME!

I luuuuuuv Portland.

Quite truthfully, Portland’s month of rain, rain and more rain is not really that bad. Maybe its the honeymoon phase. Perhaps I’m being idealistic. My survival mechanism is to go about life as usual, get on your jacket and head out. DO NOT STAY IN DOORS! Yes, the backyard is too soggy to play in, and the parks are pretty much the same. BUT the sidewalks and streets are filled with minor puddles on my way to indoor activities. Besides, without a car, staying out of the rain is hardly a choice. Walk we must, come rain or come shine. And its been a while since there was shine.

This morning, the clouds parted, and a very nice day broke through for a few hours. I was able to run out and feed the bunnies, take my counter composter to the bin, and inspect the vegetable garden a bit. It was enough to give me an itch for the glory days, namely, May-July when we had just moved here and the clear skies smelled of bloomin’ roses, and tulips and wild flowers greeted you at every turn!  I can hardly remember our yard, sprouting with overgrowth that covered the paths, a gorgeous display of colors so rich in beauty that we ran out to take pictures and eat strawberries from the garden all month.

But as I’ve told many of you, the rains have brought with them, for me, a nice kind of hibernation. Bears do it, bees do it, let’s fall in love- type of feeling. At first, I had to turn to St. John’s Wort to keep the dark couped-up mood at bay. But that only lasted about a month (I’m way too forgetful to have to take something for very long!) and it was enough to get my spirits up and get my lifestyle OUT of the house. Since then, I’ve welcomed the rain and cold as a much needed r&r for this gal whose spent the past 23 years in the Florida sun. LOOOOOVIN’ the cafe’s and bookstores with their bottomless cups of java and cute mittens on my hands to hold my mug. Still prefer it to climates so UN-wintery.

But must admit, sometimes those darn puddles just annoy the ever livin’ crap out of me. Sometimes the constant drizzle of rain that makes any work put into your hairdo completely worthless gets under my skin. Sometimes I get the urge to put on a bikini and grab a beach towel and lay out in the grassy backyard and have some good ol’ Vitamin D toast me up. Sometimes the darkness by 4 pm is just the most ridiculous concept and I literally contemplate how some one needs to write a report about it and hand it in to the Big Guy.

All this to say, I can SURE appreciate Portland’s amazing Spring/summer combination, and I can’t wait. Just a few more months that, if all goes as usual, will fly by and then, oh the joys we will see of our bulbs spring back to life, of the wisteria on the gazebo start popping with little green leaves, the wild flowers I hope to plant after the last frost start to liven up our curb-side appeal. Such images and thoughts keep my heart nice and toasty during this month. Needless to say, we’ve been reading lots of The Cat in the Hat lately, and I’ve scoured my Rainy Day Activities with Toddlers book a few times!

On a side note, my amazing and beautiful pride of my heart two year old finally, tearfully, could not hold his bladder while straddling his potty today. Having been given an amount of water equal to the Willamette River, he ended up peeing at least 5 times in two hours; 3 times in his potty, twice on the chair during dinner. Poor guy!!! BUT he was SO happy to finally “make water” in the potty and the difference was completely and utterly due to giving him a book to read while doing his business. Hmmm… both Hubby and I like reading material while we take our potty breaks, so I suppose its no wonder! We are interested/anxious to see how the next few days play out as we use diapers for only outings and night… particularly when it’s time for Lil’ E’s mid-morning Numero Dos.

Job Update: Hubby still working to find employment, part of the 5% of the nation we heard about last week. Has applied to upwards of 20 or so legitimate ads, in addition to unemployment agencies, with several follow up phone calls on his part but no leads as of yet. We are working to stay busy and positive and not blow any money we have because we are so depressed! I literally got on my knees in the shower yesterday praying for a job that would make my husband happy. I know some how that all this will turn out all right in the end. There are so so many people we know that are going through just incredible hardships right now, so it certainly puts us in the “can’t complain” category! Thank GAWD!

Hope you all are trudgin’ through your January’s with high spirits, by and large unaffected (at least negatively!) by whatever weather and life conditions you’re facing!

As Lil’ E is my first, and so far only, child, I think it took me a bit long to catch on to the benefits of having him help me around the house. I recall one day just a few months ago when I was trying to scrub the kitchen floor. I filled my bucket, got down on my hands and knees with a sponge, and started at it - but the constant interruptions of my two year old started to really frustrate my to-do list. I’d have him set up in his room with an activity, explain that mommy has to clean the kitchen, and only moments after resuming my chore did he come peeking around the corner, curious about what I was up to.

I suppose I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes; It took Lil’ E ASKING if he could help me for me to realize this might be a great way to not only keep him occupied, but obviously teach him some valuable lessons as well!

In no time he had his own sponge and was getting down the technique, which I stated as simply, “Dip, Squeeze, Scrub!” (When he would dip, then scrub, we’d accumulate quite a puddle, so having the easy to remember steps was crucial.) He loved it! Though we’ve always tried to make him clean up his OWN messes (his toys, bring his dishes to the sink), he grew up so fast that I didn’t realize he was ready for bigger responsibilities! Now when I need to clean the house, he helps in a variety of ways and actually enjoys himself!

Here’s some suggestions for the every day engagement of toddlers, particularly when specialized teams, classes, or playgroups are not a tremendously convenient option:

Meal preparation: Pull up a chair, give them a plate, and demonstrate how to break apart broccoli, lettuce, so on. Sometimes I let him take handfuls of his own and carefully add it to the pot. Remember: Keep knives, spicy sauces, and heat from his/her area.

Laundry: It may take several trips, but having the little one carry clothes you hand them from the dryer to the bed/floor/couch to be folded saves you a little time you can use to prepare the next load to wash. Additionally, he loves to help while I am folding by finding all the socks in the pile and putting them in a box for me. (Sure beats having them knock over your nicely folded piles to get your attention!)

Grocery shopping: Lil’ E is SO OVER the cart, which presents a problem when he decides its fun for me to abandon my groceries in order to chase him through the store. Most often I can avoid this altogether by asking for his help in pushing the cart, (basically, just holding on somewhere with one of his hands.) If I can spare a little time, it’s also much more rewarding to engage him in picking out and naming produce and other grocery items than viewing him as merely a bored bystander to MY interesting activity. Also, kids can be a great help in sorting items once home. Because produce is generally in drawers and low to the ground, I usually pass the fruits and vegetables on to the little guy to put away.

On the bus/in the car: I have found that engaging my toddler on a public bus is WAY easier than when we had a car. We bring small books, toys in my pocket, sing songs (quietly!), and point out any number of things out the window. If your in a vehicle, you can still try keeping the music down here and there to talk about something on the road, or what color the stop lights are, so on.

Walking down the street: Collect things: a few stones, leaves, nuts- bring them home and let them make a craft or decorate the table with them. Read road signs, point out the letters and colors. Simply talk about what you see. Lil’ E and I walk a little less than a mile and back to get to the grocery store/shopping center area, not to mention the many walks between bus transfers, and there are times when I think I’m going to go mad if he whines or drags his feet while I lug him and 3 heavy bags of groceries along. But if I can put myself in his shoes, (sometimes he’s cranky, hungry, has a full diaper, tight rainboots, so on) I can always figure out a way to distract him long enough to make it to our destination (sing a song together, ask him questions, give him praise). Sometimes simply acknowledging what’s wrong with him is all he needs in order to hear my request (i.e. “I know you must be very hungry, right? Okay, I’m sorry you are so hungry, and if you can just walk with me around this corner we will be home and you can have a snack, okay?” “Okaaaaaaay, mama.”) For the record, I don’t starve my child; for them a one hour fast is a feat of Ghandi-like proportion!

House-cleaning: As I pointed out in the anecdote at the start, having a toddler “dip, squeeze, scrub” it good for you, them, AND your floor! I also give Lil’ E a rag now and ask him to dust or wipe the walls down. When I clean the bathroom (which is rare because this duty is manifestly the reponsibility of the adult male in this household!) I usually get the most done when I let him clean the tub while in it, while I clean the floors/counters/mirrors/toilet. (Remember: I use only safe products to clean- the water bucket for cleaning has warm water and a little all natural dish soap, and sometimes a few drops of an essential oil. The bathtub cleaning agent is simply baking soda and water. If there is anything you should be wearing gloves for, it’s not suitable for a toddler!)

I have no doubt that toddler’s grow into eye-rolling teenagers quicker than you can say “attitude”, so getting these little every day lessons in, (and some eager help around the house), should be capitalized on while you can!

Technorati Tags: toddler, work-at-home, wahm, motherhood, helper, chores, parenting tips

Yesterday, fam and I did Christmas Eve service and then strolling Peacock Lane. Cookie making pics from the other day are also included in the slideshow, as is a picture of Christmas morning- Lil’ E with his amazing stocking full of apples, oranges, cranberries and a maple candy cane, lol! Oh, and his breakfast of “Christmas” yogurt.

I made beignets this morning, our traditional holiday breakfast. We all exchanged one gift this year, while Lil’ E also opened some gifts from his Nana Betsy and Papa Rene. It was actually quite nice to avoid all Christmas shopping this year and have a simple Christmas. Last night, our big Christmas Eve dinner was Thai food (which we will likely re-heat and serve alongside Pasteles for Christmas dinner- a real Puerto Rican abomination, no doubt!)

later addition: I’ve mustered up some cooking gusto and decided pasteles just won’t go with leftover Thai. So I’m making some potato wedges and a salad, along with a desert of apple/delicata squash/sweet potato casserole topped with brown sugar and granola over vanilla ice cream. WHY OH WHY doesn’t Portland have green pigeon peas, or gandules, so I can make a traditional puerto rican holiday meal, I have no idea. So a  “whatever’s around” Christmas dinner will have to do! (Hey, integration is groovy.)

After slideshow, enjoy Lil’ E first “How To” video- a natural born podcaster!

I’ve got a lot more videos from this week but can’t find the USB chord to hook up my digital camcorder, so that clip will have to be a little late for Christmas, but oh well!

later addition: AND OH MY GOSH!!!! My FIRST sighting of legitimate snow ya’ll!!! On Christmas Day! How perfecto! This is the most lovely snow, coupled with NON freezing temps (its only 37 degrees outside). Check it out! I’ll upload videos later…

So far, I have by and large worked full-time hours without childcare aside from my husband. I have attempted the day or two a week with a friend thing and had some luck, though the option was very affordable, it was not perfect.

While Lil’ E was between 14 months to about 2 years old I found it fairly do-able to work from home AND be his full-time care-giver. If certain projects demanded more attention (cleaning up databases, editing videos) I would do those after bedtime. Other things, like conference calls, event planning tasks, document creation and design, or writing gigs were all managed through out the daytime hours with my typically flexible toddler who played well by himself.

What happened in the last 4 or 5 months was unexpected (though I suppose, given all the information out there about child development, I should have been more prepared!). Lil’ E turned into a pre- preschooler. He is constantly learning new things and begging for my attention as his playmate. Nursing and cuddling and a few outings a week don’t cut it for a budding (and, imho, brilliant ) older toddler. And working from home means relatively fewer playdates and art classes as a non-working stay-at-home mom might be able to schedule into her day.

For me, part-time childcare for my older toddler/almost pre-schooler has been on the table and off the table for a couple of months. Given our new situation, (Hubby looking for work that could be M-F day job, my new part-time gig requires face-to-face time about 4 hours a week, so on), it looks as though the option will be back on the table until further notice!

Today I started my new part-time job on top of the three-quarter time hours I put in for Wiley. I’m very excited about all of the potential this new position has for me and what new paths it might lead down. I also believe it will provide me with more grounding in the telecommuting world, with more off-site skills that are often sought after in telecommuting salaried job ads. And as I mentioned, the need for me to be in the office doing some “assisting” hands on is a factor.

Today I also had my first “tour” of a local preschool I’ve had my eyes on. Though quite pricey, this preschool seemed top-notch. The facilities are fantastic: clean, inviting, and even “green”! The rooms are decked out in “natural” elements, only unfinished wooden structures, including tables and chairs made of irregular, beautiful wood pieces and gorgeous drift wood or “trees” and linens as decor. It is obvious that the elements of the rooms were probably expensive, as “green” and eco-friendly things like that tend to be. All toys were either hand-carved wooden pieces or soft fabric. Additionally, the meals served are always with organic fruits and vegetables, dairy products, and when used, meats. And check this out- they use cloth diapers from the first diaper change to the last, and then hand them back to you in regular ones (if that’s what they come in). They have three likewise environmentally friendly playgrounds that are just the cutest things ever.  And lastly, one of the major factors in me checking out this school, is the Spanish language program. Every teacher must speak Spanish to the children quite a bit during the day and it is taught alongside English. I know teaching children a second language in the formative years when their language development is most active is highly advised, and since Ethan is half Hispanic, I really want to foster the Spanish language in his life. (I took four years of Spanish, including two years of Intermediate Spanish in college, for the record- and because I don’t use it day to day, you would never know!)

So here I sit, with the waiting list application in hand. It is a big step for me to consider taking my son anywhere but home for his care, education, so on. But even while we were touring, he was ecstatic about the toys and playing with the other kids who were there, and was so sad to leave what he called “MY preschool!” I know that by putting him in preschool two full days a week, I would be able to knock out enough work to ensure that the other three days of the week I could spend more quality time with him. And I know that spending the time with other loving adults and other children his age (who all move up each year together- including the teachers!) would be an invaluable enrichment to his life right now.

So…

I will be turning in my waiting list form this week and praying that something will open up in the weeks following whenever Hubby begins working full-time again (to coincide with the income!) If we end up planning a second child in the next couple of years, I will be as determined to stay home full-time with them until they are about Lil’ E’s age as well, (at which time I assume I’ll have him in either full-time or part-time kindergarten, or whatever grade he might be in).

Unless of course Hubby is making six-figures by then, in which case I’ll homeschool and write a book in my spare time! Ha!

I came across this relatively new blog as announced on EmergentVillage.org, and I am very encouraged that it is out there and would love to draw attention to it for any one interested. It’s for “holistic, emerging parenting”, and if you’re wondering what the heck that even means, check it out for yourself!