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I think this is kinda ironic because I had the baby bug when I first moved to Portland. Something about all the midwives and breastfeeding, baby-wearing mamas made me think this place was like a tonic for a mom-to-be or new mom. Now Fit Pregnancy makes it official!
While I don’t plan on having a baby anytime soon, I think this is a really special recognition for a city to have. Bravo, PDX!
Read more about this here! It provides a quick recap of the factors considered and how Portland ranked.
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m suffering from multitasking overload. You know, that familiar feeling that there is so much to do, you don’t want to do any of it? I’ve come down with an illness for the second time in the last month, which is very frustrating because of how much I feel it holds me back. My energy is lower, my spirit feels “off”, I can’t sleep well, so on. But I also notice that when I’m sick, my body is done begging my lifestyle to change: It’s forcing it to!
Yesterday, I asked Hubby to pick up cinnamon buns at Whole Foods for breakfast. After a diet of coffee, scones, wine and cheese for the last two weeks, I began to wake up craving something sweet and having a low desire to cook and eat fresh foods. Hmmm. Last night after dinner I began to feel funny, went to lie down, and woke up 3 hours later with a fever and swollen throat, aching back and neck, so on. When I got up this morning, what was the LAST thing I wanted to eat? Cinnamon buns! Yuck! I’m sick now, all I want is fluids and warm soup and vitamins! (Wish I woulda thought of that preemptively!) I remembered something Diane posted over at The Mommy Spot about fevers, (though I have no idea where I might find catnip, save the pet store, but I’m sure if I poke around at the Co-op I’ll come across it!) But mainly that, duh, the body is trying to heal itself when things like this happen. I’m not at all surprised I got sick, after the diet, lack of sleep, and Wednesday out in the cold; I was a walking germ-magnet.
But I particularly want to get to this point of multitasking overload. I was telling my mother-in-law today that I wish I could just do both; that is, work very hard AND remember to take my vitamins, drink water, read books, yoga, pray, whatever to take care of myself too. For some reason these things become mutually-exclusive for me!
So I’m spending some time while practically couch-ridden to think over my lifestyle, which is not at all unlike most young American working mothers, and ponder just what might be making me sick, literally.
I’ve read before that multitasking is actually bad for our brains. We actually aren’t multi-tasking when we think we are, it is simply a series of very short consecutive thoughts that tend to leave us forgetful and absent-minded, not performing one job very well, but several jobs, if we are lucky, satisfactory. This was brought up again on the Today Show this morning and I found it very interesting. I honestly do not know how to NOT multitask. I can’t tell you when exactly it began, probably around the time I started caring about my grades in school, but since then I’ve just been one of those people who studies with the tv on and intermittently checks my e-mail, and now a mom whose on the phone in a staff meeting with my laptop open doing some work while some one else is talking, and intermittently changing a diaper! Same ol’ Viv, just different tasks.
It’s very frustrating for me sometimes, the way my brain is constantly thinking through all the things I want to do and learn and be. Not a week goes by that I don’t think seriously about scrapping this random blog and trying to start a few that are more focused on a particular niche- in the end, I just cannot decide what that niche would be! It’s disheartening but very true that I am a “jack of all trades, master of none.” That works great sometimes. It certainly makes me available for a variety of non-expert jobs! But in the end, I’m, well look at me, I’m working three jobs! My brain is like my livingroom, switching between Work 1 to Work 2 faster than I can plug in the second laptop chord (there are a total of 4 laptops in my living room!)
I suspect a large percentage of twenty-somethings feel a bit like this, so I’m not at all implying I’m alone in this. In fact, I’d say my generation is one very susceptible to believing they can “be anything” and therefore TRY everything. So you’re like me: you know a little about writing, a little about nutrition, a little about marriage, a little about parenting styles, a little about html, a little about wine, a little about religion, a little about movies, a little about books, a little about politics, a little about finances, a little about just about everything- but you aren’t known for being good at any one thing. I envy my friends who are good at certain things: Editors, web designers, accountants, so on. They KNOW their craft. I mean, I got my degree in Journalism but I would never actually say I KNOW my craft.
Now I’m going on several tangents here but I feel like they are all a little bit connected. There’s this feeling in me for the past several years, something sort of, lacking rest. I’m sometimes wonder if I can even hold a conversation in a social setting because my brain is running speeds ahead of what the other person is saying!
So I was thinking, when was the last time that I wasn’t feeling like this? And I pinpointed the time period after Lil’ E’s delivery. Granted, a new mom is CERTAINLY multi-tasking a million baby things for which they are grossly unprepared for! But something about it, how it was JUST baby things, and that’s all, made me feel like a whole different person for a couple of months. I remember thinking I’ll never be that old Vivian, the one running at a million miles a minute and able to handle all kinds of deadlines all the time. I could make it out to check the mail, and that would be my big accomplishment for the day! But my brain was there, all there. I slowed down, took care of myself while I tandem nursed our co-sleeping infant, and the rest was sorta take-it-or-leave-it. It was a nice feeling, when a friend called with a burden, to actually feel for them and be present enough to listen to what they were saying, if that makes any sense. I was slow, steady, present.
Of course, it wouldn’t be long, just about 8 weeks, before I resumed my mostly at-home internship and started watching a second child from home and adding all kinds of layers to my life above and beyond my family and I. This is necessity, right? Financially, at least, it is. And on top of that, I don’t think we live in a society that looks highly upon single-task people, unless of course they are incredible musicians or engineers- certainly not just plain ol mothers! For sure, there is something internal or external that tells me it is lazy to do my life any other way.
Which typically plays out for a couple of weeks until I burn out, get sick, and am forced to sit around thinking about it (and in turn, writing excessively long blog posts to my poor and unsuspecting readers!)
So as many of you have probably guessed, Hubby’s unemployment has meant putting our dreams of the perfect preschoolon hold. Which sort of means two additional hardships: a delay in my need for part-time childcare while I work from home and a delay in Lil’ E’s need for socialization with something other than the back of mommy’s laptop! Of course, for the time being the childcare part is taken care of by the stay-at-home dad, but we’re hoping that is very, very temporary.
Well, I am pretty hopeful that perhaps we’ve found a good solution, at least for one day a week! My mama-in-law brought this ad on UrbanMamas to my attention a few days ago. Today we met Amy, her husband, and their almost 2 year old son and our families seemed to really click. After stopping by their place this weekend, we’re going to move forward with the “childcare swap” idea and see how it goes! (Many thanks to my M.I.L.D.E.W. for doing something right, which it turns out, is pretty common… a little more like a M.I.L.D.E.R.)
So keep your fingers crossed that this is a mutually-beneficial set up that allows both Amy and I to get a whole day of work in sans toddler- without financially paying for it!!! woot-woot.
Quite truthfully, Portland’s month of rain, rain and more rain is not really that bad. Maybe its the honeymoon phase. Perhaps I’m being idealistic. My survival mechanism is to go about life as usual, get on your jacket and head out. DO NOT STAY IN DOORS! Yes, the backyard is too soggy to play in, and the parks are pretty much the same. BUT the sidewalks and streets are filled with minor puddles on my way to indoor activities. Besides, without a car, staying out of the rain is hardly a choice. Walk we must, come rain or come shine. And its been a while since there was shine.
This morning, the clouds parted, and a very nice day broke through for a few hours. I was able to run out and feed the bunnies, take my counter composter to the bin, and inspect the vegetable garden a bit. It was enough to give me an itch for the glory days, namely, May-July when we had just moved here and the clear skies smelled of bloomin’ roses, and tulips and wild flowers greeted you at every turn! I can hardly remember our yard, sprouting with overgrowth that covered the paths, a gorgeous display of colors so rich in beauty that we ran out to take pictures and eat strawberries from the garden all month.
But as I’ve told many of you, the rains have brought with them, for me, a nice kind of hibernation. Bears do it, bees do it, let’s fall in love- type of feeling. At first, I had to turn to St. John’s Wort to keep the dark couped-up mood at bay. But that only lasted about a month (I’m way too forgetful to have to take something for very long!) and it was enough to get my spirits up and get my lifestyle OUT of the house. Since then, I’ve welcomed the rain and cold as a much needed r&r for this gal whose spent the past 23 years in the Florida sun. LOOOOOVIN’ the cafe’s and bookstores with their bottomless cups of java and cute mittens on my hands to hold my mug. Still prefer it to climates so UN-wintery.
But must admit, sometimes those darn puddles just annoy the ever livin’ crap out of me. Sometimes the constant drizzle of rain that makes any work put into your hairdo completely worthless gets under my skin. Sometimes I get the urge to put on a bikini and grab a beach towel and lay out in the grassy backyard and have some good ol’ Vitamin D toast me up. Sometimes the darkness by 4 pm is just the most ridiculous concept and I literally contemplate how some one needs to write a report about it and hand it in to the Big Guy.
All this to say, I can SURE appreciate Portland’s amazing Spring/summer combination, and I can’t wait. Just a few more months that, if all goes as usual, will fly by and then, oh the joys we will see of our bulbs spring back to life, of the wisteria on the gazebo start popping with little green leaves, the wild flowers I hope to plant after the last frost start to liven up our curb-side appeal. Such images and thoughts keep my heart nice and toasty during this month. Needless to say, we’ve been reading lots of The Cat in the Hat lately, and I’ve scoured my Rainy Day Activities with Toddlers book a few times!
On a side note, my amazing and beautiful pride of my heart two year old finally, tearfully, could not hold his bladder while straddling his potty today. Having been given an amount of water equal to the Willamette River, he ended up peeing at least 5 times in two hours; 3 times in his potty, twice on the chair during dinner. Poor guy!!! BUT he was SO happy to finally “make water” in the potty and the difference was completely and utterly due to giving him a book to read while doing his business. Hmmm… both Hubby and I like reading material while we take our potty breaks, so I suppose its no wonder! We are interested/anxious to see how the next few days play out as we use diapers for only outings and night… particularly when it’s time for Lil’ E’s mid-morning Numero Dos.
Job Update: Hubby still working to find employment, part of the 5% of the nation we heard about last week. Has applied to upwards of 20 or so legitimate ads, in addition to unemployment agencies, with several follow up phone calls on his part but no leads as of yet. We are working to stay busy and positive and not blow any money we have because we are so depressed! I literally got on my knees in the shower yesterday praying for a job that would make my husband happy. I know some how that all this will turn out all right in the end. There are so so many people we know that are going through just incredible hardships right now, so it certainly puts us in the “can’t complain” category! Thank GAWD!
Hope you all are trudgin’ through your January’s with high spirits, by and large unaffected (at least negatively!) by whatever weather and life conditions you’re facing!
As Lil’ E is my first, and so far only, child, I think it took me a bit long to catch on to the benefits of having him help me around the house. I recall one day just a few months ago when I was trying to scrub the kitchen floor. I filled my bucket, got down on my hands and knees with a sponge, and started at it - but the constant interruptions of my two year old started to really frustrate my to-do list. I’d have him set up in his room with an activity, explain that mommy has to clean the kitchen, and only moments after resuming my chore did he come peeking around the corner, curious about what I was up to.
I suppose I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes; It took Lil’ E ASKING if he could help me for me to realize this might be a great way to not only keep him occupied, but obviously teach him some valuable lessons as well!
In no time he had his own sponge and was getting down the technique, which I stated as simply, “Dip, Squeeze, Scrub!” (When he would dip, then scrub, we’d accumulate quite a puddle, so having the easy to remember steps was crucial.) He loved it! Though we’ve always tried to make him clean up his OWN messes (his toys, bring his dishes to the sink), he grew up so fast that I didn’t realize he was ready for bigger responsibilities! Now when I need to clean the house, he helps in a variety of ways and actually enjoys himself!
Here’s some suggestions for the every day engagement of toddlers, particularly when specialized teams, classes, or playgroups are not a tremendously convenient option:
Meal preparation: Pull up a chair, give them a plate, and demonstrate how to break apart broccoli, lettuce, so on. Sometimes I let him take handfuls of his own and carefully add it to the pot. Remember: Keep knives, spicy sauces, and heat from his/her area.
Laundry: It may take several trips, but having the little one carry clothes you hand them from the dryer to the bed/floor/couch to be folded saves you a little time you can use to prepare the next load to wash. Additionally, he loves to help while I am folding by finding all the socks in the pile and putting them in a box for me. (Sure beats having them knock over your nicely folded piles to get your attention!)
Grocery shopping: Lil’ E is SO OVER the cart, which presents a problem when he decides its fun for me to abandon my groceries in order to chase him through the store. Most often I can avoid this altogether by asking for his help in pushing the cart, (basically, just holding on somewhere with one of his hands.) If I can spare a little time, it’s also much more rewarding to engage him in picking out and naming produce and other grocery items than viewing him as merely a bored bystander to MY interesting activity. Also, kids can be a great help in sorting items once home. Because produce is generally in drawers and low to the ground, I usually pass the fruits and vegetables on to the little guy to put away.
On the bus/in the car: I have found that engaging my toddler on a public bus is WAY easier than when we had a car. We bring small books, toys in my pocket, sing songs (quietly!), and point out any number of things out the window. If your in a vehicle, you can still try keeping the music down here and there to talk about something on the road, or what color the stop lights are, so on.
Walking down the street: Collect things: a few stones, leaves, nuts- bring them home and let them make a craft or decorate the table with them. Read road signs, point out the letters and colors. Simply talk about what you see. Lil’ E and I walk a little less than a mile and back to get to the grocery store/shopping center area, not to mention the many walks between bus transfers, and there are times when I think I’m going to go mad if he whines or drags his feet while I lug him and 3 heavy bags of groceries along. But if I can put myself in his shoes, (sometimes he’s cranky, hungry, has a full diaper, tight rainboots, so on) I can always figure out a way to distract him long enough to make it to our destination (sing a song together, ask him questions, give him praise). Sometimes simply acknowledging what’s wrong with him is all he needs in order to hear my request (i.e. “I know you must be very hungry, right? Okay, I’m sorry you are so hungry, and if you can just walk with me around this corner we will be home and you can have a snack, okay?” “Okaaaaaaay, mama.”) For the record, I don’t starve my child; for them a one hour fast is a feat of Ghandi-like proportion!
House-cleaning: As I pointed out in the anecdote at the start, having a toddler “dip, squeeze, scrub” it good for you, them, AND your floor! I also give Lil’ E a rag now and ask him to dust or wipe the walls down. When I clean the bathroom (which is rare because this duty is manifestly the reponsibility of the adult male in this household!) I usually get the most done when I let him clean the tub while in it, while I clean the floors/counters/mirrors/toilet. (Remember: I use only safe products to clean- the water bucket for cleaning has warm water and a little all natural dish soap, and sometimes a few drops of an essential oil. The bathtub cleaning agent is simply baking soda and water. If there is anything you should be wearing gloves for, it’s not suitable for a toddler!)
I have no doubt that toddler’s grow into eye-rolling teenagers quicker than you can say “attitude”, so getting these little every day lessons in, (and some eager help around the house), should be capitalized on while you can!
So far, I have by and large worked full-time hours without childcare aside from my husband. I have attempted the day or two a week with a friend thing and had some luck, though the option was very affordable, it was not perfect.
While Lil’ E was between 14 months to about 2 years old I found it fairly do-able to work from home AND be his full-time care-giver. If certain projects demanded more attention (cleaning up databases, editing videos) I would do those after bedtime. Other things, like conference calls, event planning tasks, document creation and design, or writing gigs were all managed through out the daytime hours with my typically flexible toddler who played well by himself.
What happened in the last 4 or 5 months was unexpected (though I suppose, given all the information out there about child development, I should have been more prepared!). Lil’ E turned into a pre- preschooler. He is constantly learning new things and begging for my attention as his playmate. Nursing and cuddling and a few outings a week don’t cut it for a budding (and, imho, brilliant ) older toddler. And working from home means relatively fewer playdates and art classes as a non-working stay-at-home mom might be able to schedule into her day.
For me, part-time childcare for my older toddler/almost pre-schooler has been on the table and off the table for a couple of months. Given our new situation, (Hubby looking for work that could be M-F day job, my new part-time gig requires face-to-face time about 4 hours a week, so on), it looks as though the option will be back on the table until further notice!
Today I started my new part-time job on top of the three-quarter time hours I put in for Wiley. I’m very excited about all of the potential this new position has for me and what new paths it might lead down. I also believe it will provide me with more grounding in the telecommuting world, with more off-site skills that are often sought after in telecommuting salaried job ads. And as I mentioned, the need for me to be in the office doing some “assisting” hands on is a factor.
Today I also had my first “tour” of a local preschool I’ve had my eyes on. Though quite pricey, this preschool seemed top-notch. The facilities are fantastic: clean, inviting, and even “green”! The rooms are decked out in “natural” elements, only unfinished wooden structures, including tables and chairs made of irregular, beautiful wood pieces and gorgeous drift wood or “trees” and linens as decor. It is obvious that the elements of the rooms were probably expensive, as “green” and eco-friendly things like that tend to be. All toys were either hand-carved wooden pieces or soft fabric. Additionally, the meals served are always with organic fruits and vegetables, dairy products, and when used, meats. And check this out- they use cloth diapers from the first diaper change to the last, and then hand them back to you in regular ones (if that’s what they come in). They have three likewise environmentally friendly playgrounds that are just the cutest things ever. And lastly, one of the major factors in me checking out this school, is the Spanish language program. Every teacher must speak Spanish to the children quite a bit during the day and it is taught alongside English. I know teaching children a second language in the formative years when their language development is most active is highly advised, and since Ethan is half Hispanic, I really want to foster the Spanish language in his life. (I took four years of Spanish, including two years of Intermediate Spanish in college, for the record- and because I don’t use it day to day, you would never know!)
So here I sit, with the waiting list application in hand. It is a big step for me to consider taking my son anywhere but home for his care, education, so on. But even while we were touring, he was ecstatic about the toys and playing with the other kids who were there, and was so sad to leave what he called “MY preschool!” I know that by putting him in preschool two full days a week, I would be able to knock out enough work to ensure that the other three days of the week I could spend more quality time with him. And I know that spending the time with other loving adults and other children his age (who all move up each year together- including the teachers!) would be an invaluable enrichment to his life right now.
So…
I will be turning in my waiting list form this week and praying that something will open up in the weeks following whenever Hubby begins working full-time again (to coincide with the income!) If we end up planning a second child in the next couple of years, I will be as determined to stay home full-time with them until they are about Lil’ E’s age as well, (at which time I assume I’ll have him in either full-time or part-time kindergarten, or whatever grade he might be in).
Unless of course Hubby is making six-figures by then, in which case I’ll homeschool and write a book in my spare time! Ha!
That’s what life feels like for me lately. It seems I should be a little further along sometimes, having gotten my “edumacation”, being married for nearly 5 years, a mommy for 2+pregnancy, working, bla bla bla- those should surely qualify me for a self-titled “intermediate”, right? Instead I feel in so many ways as though life has just begun. As though my lungs are crushing with the weight of my first breath of oxygen: I know nothing.
Yep, the lovely twenties, full blown in effect.
One of my many humble philosophies on life is sort of a “mind over matter” one- with regards to vices, depression, stress, so forth. Though I must have a zillion crutches that I don’t even think about or consider them as such, the ones I recognize I typically do away with rather quickly. Example- if I notice I’m using wine to “relax” too often, I’ll begin to formulate a different way to relax that is healthier, no side effects, etc etc. Aromatherapy, massage, yoga, whatever. I even considered recently the homeopathic medicinal value of herbs such as St. John’s Wort or Kava, though in the end even those had side effects I’d rather not deal with, not to mention that you cannot be on them while pregnant or nursing and that chapter of my life isn’t exactly over yet, so might as well not even get started on the treatment.
Side note: I recently read an article in a parenting e-zine where the writer and mother of the story confessed that she turned her weekend vice of smoking a little weed while her son is not around into a “one hitter” commonality whenever she needed to “get through the day” with her son. I wanted to scream at such stupidity, especially as nearly every single comment (there were over 80) to the on-line article went back and forth between arguing about the legality of pot or the irresponsibility of the mom while she is the care-giver for a young child, etc etc. While all those arguments are interesting, I felt like they really missed the point. Why not get to the deeper issue (IMHO) and learn to deal with your stress and anxiety as a mother without “mother’s little helpers” at all? Perhaps such levels of annoyance indicate a major change needs to happen, as in, more sleep, better diet, a little exercising, prayer (yikes, touchy subject!) or even counseling. I also feel, (though this opinion might get me stoned), that too many (esp mothers) turn quickly to the latest prescription drug for helping them cope BEFORE giving the aforementioned suggestions a hearty attempt. (Okay, that’s all I’ll say now about my extreme skepticism of allopathic medicine! Another day, another post)
As for me, I “confess” that I can fall into mild feelings of lethargy, depression, anxiety or what have you, certain circumstances trigger it more than others of course. I can tell when I want to “hide” that the cloud is over me. Luckily, it rarely effects my ability to fulfill responsibilities, although it does make doing them more difficult. Anyhow, this all to say that I am sort of in one of these periods lately and have the foreboding feeling that it hasn’t even completely run its course yet (it’s only the beginning!)- with upcoming cold, sunless, rainy days of Portland’s winter ahead, the holidays without friends and family around, hubby working double shifts nearly every day, and my only “hey, let’s go chill” friend starting a full-time job and having her mom come live with her, all of this seems to be indicators to me lately that I’ve got to catch this mood at the beginning and prepare for the “dark night of the soul” that could be quite lonely if I don’t proceed carefully.
This post has taken a slight detour from its original “I might finally know that I don’t know anything” but trust me, its all related!
So I’m open to anything, bar substance abuse, traditional Western medicine, lol, and perhaps some others things I haven’t thought of, to help me trudge along this phase with a deeply joyful heart. I have absolute assurance that this won’t happen without a much greater awareness of the daily conversation God is having with me, and perhaps I could even try responding more often in prayer instead of avoidance. From there, I’ve got to start reading some good books, doing my yoga again, and making sure my oil burner is always going with lavender, chamomile, and clary sage. Another tip: avoid too much refined sugars, alcohol and caffeine (yes, even here at “mama NEED java” we can all agree on the “too much of a good thing” factor )
If any one else can relate to what I’ve just shared, here’s a toast to your journey onward. To the other’s, I apologize for wasting your time on a very Vivian-centered subject (esp since my last post was one too!) and promise to upload a great movie tomorrow of Ethan singing songs.
This is what happens when Vivian starts considering the possibility of more babies in the future… we welcomed baby boy bunny into my home office/studio as a “classroom pet” … to keep our two girl guinea pigs company… and to satisfy my longing for something soft and cuddly…
After chicks next Spring, the family farm will be complete, without any (in-home) pets to bother allergy suffering visitors (see, we DO think of you guys!) And we’ll have an unlimited supply of eggs and compost material to grow our vegetables this time next year.
P.S. Got opinions about this decision? Guess what? Being an animal lover is NOT taboo and is NOT limited to hoarders! You CAN responsibly own a handful of low-maintenance animals, so keep your nay-sayin’ mouth’s closed unless you want me to manually insert your foot FOR you. (luv it that this is my blog and I can say stuff like that )
I haven’t written in a few days, which isn’t all that typical of me lately, because of reasons I don’t even know how to pin down. I’ve been feeling as though I’m floating lately, not really here all the time. I don’t think I’m unhappy or anything, just sort of bored, tired, lethargic. I don’t know. I can take on things sometimes and try to shoulder it harder or longer than I should and I don’t stop and ask myself WTF, you know? I don’t even think I’m talking about anything in particular.
Perhaps I need more close friends and family here, of course that could be. I’m also feeling a little discontent, wanting to stop freakin worrying about money and never having enough to do or purchase the things I want, which sounds SO lame, I know. But seriously, I’m damn tired of being broke and trying so begrudgingly to be frugal. It’s a pain in the rear. You got your degrees, you got your jobs, congratulations- now you have to pay off all your debt. After that, you can work on saving for college and retirement, or paying off your mortgage if you’re lucky enough to have a home to truly call your own, which it turns out could be incredibly overrated.
And I’ve been sad lately at things I don’t think should make me quite so sad. I let Lil’ E stay up way too late last night and felt like the worst parent on the planet. I found out a close friend who I haven’t been able to really talk to in months is off to a bible college of sorts in the bahamas and I feel so bad that I knew nothing of this and all the different directions every one goes in life. Sometimes I think connections are so awesome. You go for a walk to kill time and end up meeting some one a few blocks down who is trained in landscape architecture and has awesome tips and encouragement about your organic garden. You plan for the right pet and meet a breeder who is a talkative, interesting, informative home-schooling mom, (and has the perfect pet for our family). So in these moments I want to get on this blog or remark to some one in person about how incredibly delightful these connections are- how two people end up meeting or effecting each other’s lives in a way that seems just too strange to not be Orchestrated.
Other times its connections that I mourn - one’s that are falling apart from distance and lack of cultivation. Sometimes I mourn one’s that are just fine, because its terrible events that bring two people together, like earlier this week when Lil’ E and I were walking to the park and saw a cat dying on the sidewalk. With the joint effort of myself and the mailman, we managed to read the ID tag and call the number to identify the pet’s owner’s, who it turns out had just moved in across the street from where the cat lay after being, apparently, hit by a car. It was difficult for me particularly because Lil’ E didn’t get it and kept meowing at the cat and telling me it had a boo boo. When it took its last breath, Lil’ E told me the kitty cat was tired and was going to sleep. And here in this event I connected with the mail man, as we hunched over a bloody feline corpse, because I was grateful some one else cared, grateful he had a cell phone, grateful he was another freakin adult to balance my feelings of sorrow over my child’s first death experience and make me aware of my own sensibilities.
This week I’ve looked a little more at my myspace friends while I’m bored and waiting for Hubby to get back from his 7am-10:30pm work schedule. I don’t know why, but I’m always so surprised, even disturbed, by the fact that so many old and even current friends are doing such vastly different things than I. I get this snapshot, this weird MySpace thing that it is, of their “profile” and can see how they want to be perceived- what they want people to know about them. Are they edgy? Witty? Do they have lots of friends and comments, do they list a slue of fascinating books or movies in their interests? Sure we all do it, right? Without even thinking much about it, we figure out fairly quickly, though it might change as often as we change our shoes, who we want to be to the rest of the world. And in the end, the things I most want to tell people about myself but don’t because it seems so ridiculous, is that I really, really liked reading a book about pumpkins to my son today. I wonder if a lot of stay-at-home moms feel this way, like the highlight of their day was curbing a temper tantrum so they could enjoy a MUG (”for here!”) of java at a coffee shop fairly uninterrupted- I mean this is like a humongous personal feat, people! But when you look around and see other adults in the world DO NOT CARE about whether or not you got your toddler to eat zucchini, it can feel as though the entire ball of earth is a black hole that has just swallowed you up because you are completely, eerily, alone. Like, “wow, this is kinda crazy… what am I living my life for if these are my daily highlights? where is my life going? who am I? Is any one else here? Hello?” (echoes ensue, yada yada yada.)
This is only one small piece of the puzzle as I uncover this strangely not-here-but-here mood I’ve been in, hidden behind a nice tired smile and way too much talking.
Not much, except that’s what I’ve been up to these past few days; Planting some cool season crops as the first chilly, rainy weather has graced us with its presence for a short time. I wanted to not miss the planting season since I realllly missed it last time and had pretty much zero Fall harvest to celebrate, except apples, figs, and raspberries which were already here. So finally I’ve got the veg beds up to par and have some soft, composted dirt to work with, and planted broccoli, cauliflower and cabbage variety starters this weekend. I’m trying to get the lettuce in the ground as well. I uncovered a bunch of bulbs, some kind of flower, as well as some onions, so Misty and I will be working our way around the yard to find the best place for these for next Spring, along with some bulbs of tulips I just can’t wait til those flower! We’ve got plans for some garlic varieties to put in the ground next month, (which is excited because, you know, I’m Cajun and all, and we could eat garlic like apples- the more the better as far as I’m concerned!) For color, I’ve thrown winter Pansies around, as a flower bed border as well as some in pretty pots. The yard is really starting to shape up and it makes for such a nice place to spend time in now- not the overgrown, unorganized spider jungle we faced a month ago!
On a Lil’ E note, I’ve had some luck curbing his tantrums with less punishment after the fact and more reward/distraction as the tantrum first sets in- what is he so excited about that he’ll do almost anything for? The promise of a sticker on his hand when we get home. Yep. That’s all, and he’ll slow his crying and between sobs mutter, “[I’ll be a] good boy” and “Star on my hand” etc. Now, I know enough about the most common parenting philosophies out there to know that a system of punishment/reward is usually not considered “ideal”- but I really find that he is more or less distracted by the idea of the sticker, and simultaneously sees it as a symbol of a self-affirming “good boy” behavior which he recognizes as favorable compared to, obviously, time out. I think the key is to continuously remind him that he is loved unconditionally and a “good boy” no matter what, but that his behavior can either have good or bad consequences. I haven’t had to do a time out or punishment in a few days, which is amazing when you think that 4 weeks ago I was spankin that bottom from sun up to sun down! He still gets overly hands-on and excited when allowed free play with other kids, and often shows off with defiant behavior, which is extra difficult to deal with because of the other parent’s involved or patrons at a store or whatever- why is it so much harder to parent firmly and patiently when you feel eyes on you? Maybe its just me. But anyway, I also know this is a product of needing a social outlet with kids his own age, to learn to share, not hit, not throw, bla bla bla, so I think it is its own inevitable cure. Practice, practice, practice. I just tell myself that one day he’ll be a charming gentlemen with amazing social skills, lol!
Lastly, I started reading St. Francis of Assisi by G.K.Chesterson and I’m finding this guy way more interesting than I expected- and a certain kinship to some of his loves and struggles, I must say. Though I don’t have stigmata or anything
Oh- and as a total P.S.- Hubby finally got a job he likes, full-time, decent pay, daytime hours, etc etc. He will continue working part-time evenings at Wild Oats for awhile until we’ve caught up a little bit more, but at last he’s got something he is looking forward to (has been looking since mid-May when we moved here)! He gets up at 6:30 tomorrow morning to head out for his first day, and I can hardly curb my enthusiasm, its the lightest I’ve felt in like 6 months. Not just for financial reasons but a myriad of them. So… yay!
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m suffering from multitasking overload. You know, that familiar feeling that there is so much to do, you don’t want to do any of it? I’ve come down with an illness for the second time in the last month, which is very frustrating because of how much I feel it holds me back. My energy is lower, my spirit feels “off”, I can’t sleep well, so on. But I also notice that when I’m sick, my body is done begging my lifestyle to change: It’s forcing it to!
) older toddler. And working from home means relatively fewer playdates and art classes as a non-working stay-at-home mom might be able to schedule into her day.
