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I could write a book about the last month of my life, but now is not the time. Forgive the quirky slide show instead

And then listen to good music.

Please continue prayers for my family, as we process the biggest and ugliest truth we’ve ever faced, and begin to take steps towards recovery…

“You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, ‘It is hopeless.’ You found renewal of strength, so you did not faint.” - Isaiah 57:10

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Cor. 12:9

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-18

“‘What is the Lord trying to teach me?’ we ask. ‘I’m a willing learner! Can’t we just get beyond the mess I’m in and get on with life?’ No, we’ve got it all backwards. First we have to unlearn our whole way of thinking which is directed by our deceived hearts.” - False Intimacy, Dr. Shaumberg

“It’s okay to cry– crying gets the sadness out.” - DragonTales cartoon on PBS

“We need to be loving each other.” - Lil’ E (my 3 year old)

“Surprise us with love at daybreak; then we’ll skip and dance all the day long.” Psalm 90:14 (The Message)

“I think I can.” - The Little Blue Engine that Could

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” - Tori Amos

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr. Suess

Blogging this week has been the very furthest thing from my mind. Unusual, yes.

While the details of some parts of my life I seem to share with the general public with a complete lack of bashfulness, there are other parts which I cannot disclose in great detail. To address this conundrum, I feel it is at least appropriate for me to use this blog as a platform for airing my thoughts, but with great care for allusive, covert references Forgive.

Life, as we all know, or should by now, does not always go according to “plan”: That amazing business that you throw your money and life into goes belly up, natural disasters tear apart your home, loved ones move on to the next life — sometimes in unexpected and painful ways, families fall apart from a gazillion issues under the sun, or friends betray our trust.

We all go through somewhat similar experiences when these things happen. Shock, denial, anger, and grief take their turns at us. Hopefully, and usually, healing does too. We begin to eat again, work again, laugh again. The loss itself might not ever be painless, but the heartbreaking helplessness of the loss will ease, (interesting, how similar this pain of loss is much like the pain of childbirth).

Perhaps the greatest piece of it all is when something that fell apart, went out of business, and broke into little pieces is ready to be restored: the start of a new business, the rebuilding of the next house, the birth of a new loved one, the healing of marriages, the reconciliation of friends. Grace upon grace is given to us by the One who made our hearts, and it never ceases to amaze me at just how that all works; How joy can fill up empty spots, left barren by disappointment.

It is the misadventures of life, the plans that went haywire, that tend to make up our story, as individuals, and as a human race. Painful as they are.

“Consider it all joy, my friends, when you encounter various trails, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing…” - James, brother of Jesus.

This week, 6 years ago, you asked me to “court” you…
What can I say? It’s our fate, I’m yours!

Jason Mraz Lyrics
I’m yours Lyrics

Whew! The weather firefox add-on at the bottom of my browser is reporting “Now: Sunny, 76 F”, but I just don’t believe it. When the back of your knees are sweating, you know its hotter than hades.
Lil’ E is at nanny Anna’s today, having a ball, no doubt! The chicks are the backyard about to pass out. I am safely tucked away in the house at the moment, where the cool night temps linger. It seems like just last week I was worried about freezing out my newly planted tomato starters- and now the record high temps threaten to burn them up! Tomorrow it is supposed to reach nearly 100 degrees!

All of this is so full-circle, it really is. This time last year, I was selling the last of my belongings that weren’t already packed up. I was preparing to send Hubby off with our car on a 3,000 mile road trip while I finished up the house cleaning before Lil’ E and I flew not far behind him to our new home, Portland, on May 21st. Everything about Portland this time of year was captured by my senses because it was so new and exciting. I familiarized myself with all of the smells, like the lavender, rosemary and sage growing along the sidewalks, as if they were the encapsulated in and only in Portland. The summer heat was familiar, since in many ways the last 23 years of my life was one big summer in Florida. And the evenings were pure bliss, when the skin on my shoulders would tingle as the temperatures dropped off, giving me an excuse to grab a cute shaw and relishing the strange feeling of having stolen extra time by enjoying sunlight until at least 9 pm.

Then I made it through Portland’s grey, drizzly winter. I even made it through the up and down days of early Spring that can play mean tricks on you. I thought that the shift towards Summer would be mighty welcoming, but instead — I must admit — it is bittersweet. This time last year I was saying goodbye and hello so much that my soul was just buzzing from it all. Now the cycle of one year brings all the sights and smells and sounds back again, and all I can think about is that its been 12 months since I have been able to hug my dad, to share a good cry with Steph, or laugh a loud, tipsy laugh with my sister Rachel. And perhaps more depressing- I have no idea if it will be another year, or two, or five, before I will be able to do those things again. This economy and life have left us all pretty darn broke and busy, making the seven hour plane ride seem more like a trek on the “Oregon Trail”, where one will inevitably die of dysentery, or in the very least, lose twelve oxen along the way.

There is nothing to look forward to this time around. While I’ll enjoy the different aspects of Fall, Winter and Spring again, it just won’t be the first time. It won’t be the honeymoon- it will be the marriage. And we all know what marriage is like

Of course, there’s more to it than all of this. There’s a new presidency, (maybe a boost to the economy will create a new job for Hubby), or perhaps we will decide to do something wild and crazy together, (like have another human being with our DNA combination enter the world). Even the low-key, hum drum days of life will no doubt gift me with a nugget of satisfaction or drama, if I keep my eyes open.

Anyway, I’m waiting for June to settle in. Something tells me the grass will look greener in June.

Men who think that THIS is humorous and harmless, and worthy of a days worth of their pay. Women who think it will not harm their family to have their husbands playing these “harmless” video games where, in their alternate reality, they can pick up prostitutes and pay for three levels of service- handjob, fellatio, or cowgirl sex position.
Wise up, people. While some are out there thinking about how to make this crazy world a better place, it is sick and sad that so much time and money is being devoted to trash like this. I just have no respect for it. Zero. And I could give a crap about whether or not the entire game’s focus is this, or whether or not the players HAVE to partake in this to play this “amazing” game. It’s one thing to be legalistic, and a different thing all together to have absolutely no personal values beyond what other “buddies” are doing.
I will add that I’m not trying to sound as mean as this is coming off. I guess I just don’t get the value, if there is any, of something like this. And every once in a while this little mama has to get a wee bit for realz. But when I use the word “people” it is the generic, universal, rhetorical “people”, not a specific person. So don’t get your panties in a wedge thinking this is personal.
[/rant]

Oh, the things you might find if you read your friend’s bulletin posts in MySpace…

It was too funny to not post here. I am Pisces and Hubby is Aries. I have crossed out the one’s I think are all wrong and made bold those which are, imho, true dat.

PISCES - THE SEX ADDICT
(2/19-3/20)
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. BEST kisser. Always get what they want. Very Attractive. Easy going. RARE Find. GOOD when found. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. NOT one to mess with!!!

ARIES- THE PLAYER
(3/21-4/19)
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

Not sure what happened to my Aries hubby- his was like 70% way off!

My conclusion: what a load of bull honkey…