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I could write a book about the last month of my life, but now is not the time. Forgive the quirky slide show instead 
And then listen to good music.
Blogging this week has been the very furthest thing from my mind. Unusual, yes.
While the details of some parts of my life I seem to share with the general public with a complete lack of bashfulness, there are other parts which I cannot disclose in great detail. To address this conundrum, I feel it is at least appropriate for me to use this blog as a platform for airing my thoughts, but with great care for allusive, covert references Forgive.
Life, as we all know, or should by now, does not always go according to “plan”: That amazing business that you throw your money and life into goes belly up, natural disasters tear apart your home, loved ones move on to the next life — sometimes in unexpected and painful ways, families fall apart from a gazillion issues under the sun, or friends betray our trust.
We all go through somewhat similar experiences when these things happen. Shock, denial, anger, and grief take their turns at us. Hopefully, and usually, healing does too. We begin to eat again, work again, laugh again. The loss itself might not ever be painless, but the heartbreaking helplessness of the loss will ease, (interesting, how similar this pain of loss is much like the pain of childbirth).
Perhaps the greatest piece of it all is when something that fell apart, went out of business, and broke into little pieces is ready to be restored: the start of a new business, the rebuilding of the next house, the birth of a new loved one, the healing of marriages, the reconciliation of friends. Grace upon grace is given to us by the One who made our hearts, and it never ceases to amaze me at just how that all works; How joy can fill up empty spots, left barren by disappointment.
It is the misadventures of life, the plans that went haywire, that tend to make up our story, as individuals, and as a human race. Painful as they are.
Whew! The weather firefox add-on at the bottom of my browser is reporting “Now: Sunny, 76 F”, but I just don’t believe it. When the back of your knees are sweating, you know its hotter than hades.
Lil’ E is at nanny Anna’s today, having a ball, no doubt! The chicks are the backyard about to pass out. I am safely tucked away in the house at the moment, where the cool night temps linger. It seems like just last week I was worried about freezing out my newly planted tomato starters- and now the record high temps threaten to burn them up! Tomorrow it is supposed to reach nearly 100 degrees!
All of this is so full-circle, it really is. This time last year, I was selling the last of my belongings that weren’t already packed up. I was preparing to send Hubby off with our car on a 3,000 mile road trip while I finished up the house cleaning before Lil’ E and I flew not far behind him to our new home, Portland, on May 21st. Everything about Portland this time of year was captured by my senses because it was so new and exciting. I familiarized myself with all of the smells, like the lavender, rosemary and sage growing along the sidewalks, as if they were the encapsulated in and only in Portland. The summer heat was familiar, since in many ways the last 23 years of my life was one big summer in Florida. And the evenings were pure bliss, when the skin on my shoulders would tingle as the temperatures dropped off, giving me an excuse to grab a cute shaw and relishing the strange feeling of having stolen extra time by enjoying sunlight until at least 9 pm.
Then I made it through Portland’s grey, drizzly winter. I even made it through the up and down days of early Spring that can play mean tricks on you. I thought that the shift towards Summer would be mighty welcoming, but instead — I must admit — it is bittersweet. This time last year I was saying goodbye and hello so much that my soul was just buzzing from it all. Now the cycle of one year brings all the sights and smells and sounds back again, and all I can think about is that its been 12 months since I have been able to hug my dad, to share a good cry with Steph, or laugh a loud, tipsy laugh with my sister Rachel. And perhaps more depressing- I have no idea if it will be another year, or two, or five, before I will be able to do those things again. This economy and life have left us all pretty darn broke and busy, making the seven hour plane ride seem more like a trek on the “Oregon Trail”, where one will inevitably die of dysentery, or in the very least, lose twelve oxen along the way.
There is nothing to look forward to this time around. While I’ll enjoy the different aspects of Fall, Winter and Spring again, it just won’t be the first time. It won’t be the honeymoon- it will be the marriage. And we all know what marriage is like
Of course, there’s more to it than all of this. There’s a new presidency, (maybe a boost to the economy will create a new job for Hubby), or perhaps we will decide to do something wild and crazy together, (like have another human being with our DNA combination enter the world). Even the low-key, hum drum days of life will no doubt gift me with a nugget of satisfaction or drama, if I keep my eyes open.
Anyway, I’m waiting for June to settle in. Something tells me the grass will look greener in June.
April 21st-27th is National Turn It Off Week, which includes screen time in any form (tv, computer, games, etc.)
Will we be able to do that? I’m not going to kid myself.
As a telecommuter, the computer is my job, so I would have to have a week of vacation 
saved up just to pull that off! To boot, Hubby and I love movies, we’re Netflix junkies, and we value our movie bonding time. When it comes to Lil’ E, I do the best that I can. As a work-at-home mother with an only child, “Miss Lorie’s Preschool” is a lifesaver sometimes, and an educational one, at that. I swear my kid will be reading by age 3 because of that Super Why show!
I’m not even sure exactly why any one would feel like they have to defend that choice, either. There are lots of studies ready to showcase the latest negative correlation between kids and tv, but I haven’t personally seen any that include active children of stay-at-home parents, who spend more time during their day in a combination of toy play/outdoor play, reading tons of books and listening to children’s music or NPR throughout the day as well. I also think that learning to play educational computer games will only help in preparing children to enter a modern world of technology and media. Maybe that’s a fairly typical approach from a Millennial generation parent (many of whom move far away from family, are prone to micromanage, etc- which is another post for another day!)
That said, I understand and struggle with the opposite arguments. I sometimes think, what if our economy crashes and our obese American children must ration food and learn to grow their own vegetables, etc? Will the average family be able to adapt and survive if a crisis like that happened? But as far as my own family is concerned, I’m not as worried about all that. I mean, we do teach our little guy to compost and garden, to enjoy nature and the outdoors, and, by example, how to live without new furniture; without a vehicle, using our own bodies as modes of transportation (walking, biking); doing what you feel comfortable with in helping build a more sustainable world.
When I lived in Florida, your house pretty much wasn’t one until it had a tv. Playgroup moms knew what you were talking about if you referenced Backyardigans, Dora, Lazy Town, etc etc. There were no sideways glances of judgment. It’s just the culture. Maybe cause it was too damn hot outside most of the time 
Not so in the Pac NW, particularly on the east side of metro Portland. I have come across plenty more tv-less families than the latter. (All that Waldorf influence?) Who knows. And like I said, I get it.
I could go into some of the things I learned in college regarding media studies and mass communication theory, but who wants to read about all that? Suffice to say, learning the history of humanity and its relation to and fear of influences (from technology, globalization and new media) forever shifted the way I saw the latest trend either for or against it. I believe innovative minds will continue to evolve and inquisitive learners will continue to search, and those of us who wish to embrace the shifts and work with them as inevitable facets of modern (postmodern?) human life will do so, while those who do not are neither right nor wrong. Whatever floats your boat, right?
On a somewhat related note, I think the importance of reading is imperative, and our family recently signed up for the Every Family Reads program with the county library. Part of the program is pledging that you will read each day, visit the library as a family at least once per week, and also hold a family reading night once each week. Another facet to the program is bi-lingual literacy, which I’m very interested in as a family of mixed ethnicities. It’s purty kewl.
Well I better end this before I go following too many rabbit trails. I’d love to hear some thoughts from you parents, (or non-parents!), how you approach screen time and the health of your kiddo(s). Maybe some of you are doing certain things differently in honor of National Turn-It-Off Week and could share your ideas?
It’s funny how you can sometimes feel like the only person in the whole wide world with a particular issue.
I’ve seen plenty of other mom’s while I ride the bus, certainly, but for some reason I never expected to cross paths with them once more in cyberspace.
This week on Activistas there was this post, regarding the family-friendliness of the Tri-met, Portland’s mass transportation system which includes bus, light rail and street car. I thought it was pretty interesting to read the experiences of the various moms who, like me, use the bus exclusively and how this works for moms of young children to get around town, essentially without a trunk for strollers, groceries, library books, and “stuff”.
While I realize this may not be of interest to all of you, I wanted to draw your attention to it. I mean, in the grand scheme of the country moving towards not relying so heavily on their automobiles, I can imagine this being an issue in the next 50 years. How does a family live without their vehicles? What would that look like for cities across this country and how can they plan to accommodate our little one’s and all the “stuff” that comes with them?
So something to chew on!
can appreciate the beauty in this picture:
Ethan’s first potty poop, 2 years 7 months old! And yes, he will kill his mom one day when he finds out she put this picture on her blog…
Growing up in Southwest Florida, there was this water park nearby that had a feature called 
“The Lazy River”. The idea was that, after embarking on a bunch of slidetastic water adventures, you could grab a ginormous raft and float along the river, not really realizing you were being simultaneously burnt to a crisp.
As a kid, my friends and I would usually race down the “river”, which was a narrow, shallow pool winding through the water park with a few jets every so often to keep the current moving slowly in the same direction. When you’re about 60 pounds and 4 foot nuthin’, those jets could seem like a miniature tsunami! If you weren’t careful when you zipped through them, they could pull you under a bit and spit you back out a few feet later. (Shhh- we secretly wanted that to happen- a very dramatic event for an 8 year old.)
Life still has those moments sometimes, albiet significantly more adult-like. When I’m not careful, the responsibilities of feeding, bathing, playing, nurturing and teaching a toddler can pile up, along with a never-ending supply of household messes that recreate themselves the moment I turn my back on them. Add to the list a job or TWO and you start to get that feeling like if you just keep moving, just fast enough (but not too fast, mind you, or you’ll risk burning out on the other end) you might be able to keep from being pulled under.
This week, I started using a timer to stay on schedule, alternating hours between “work” and “home” in order to try to achieve some semblance of balance for both. Yesterday was the first real day doing this, and I’m happy to report it went rather well! I was able to work 4 hours during the “day” and 4 hours from 7-11pm. The other hours during the day I was playing with Lil’ E, helping him pick up his room, weeding the backyard, and making dinner. Lil’ E picked up on the whole timer thing really well, as he is just old enough to get that he needs to respect my “work” time for the hour until the bell goes off, so long as at that moment he knows I also save my projects and focus on him a little. I’ll be blogging a lot more about this whole timer concept at VivianWrites once I’ve got some solid tips for using a timer to telecommute with toddler in tow.
Today was Lil’ E’s first day at the new childcare swap situation. I don’t think I even need to tell you how great the report was; all the good food he ate, all the playing he did, and how big of a fit he pitched when I came to bring him home ten hours later! Lordy! I can’t wait to have their little boy over on Friday to play, sans work, like a regular ol’ fashioned stay-at-home-mom!
In the meantime, I’ve just counted the new 22 “events” that have been requested in the last week for one job, (and I’ve got some major deadlines to get my (other) boss’ site and blog up and running by the end of the week!)
Suffice to say, I’m attempting to keep ahead of the current! Just keep reminding myself that success is in the steady pace, not the sprint…
BTW- Hubby’s got several leads finally coming through and even if none of them pan out, he still starts his position at a call center with a temp agency on Monday morning, woo hoo!
Technorati Tags: responsibilities, feeding, playing, nurturing, teaching, toddler, household, job, schedule, work, home, balance, telecommute, childcare, stay-at-home-mom
Sorry about that last post- it was a little bit of a breakdown! Sickness sure can make you feel like that, can’t it? For busy moms, (and whether you “work” for a paycheck or not, there’s really no such thing as a mom who is NOT busy!), if mom goes down, the whole house goes down with her! Luckily, my cold only lasted about two days total and I want to plug once again in the way of homeopathic medicine and good ol’ fashion nature.
What Goes In Must Come Out
Ew, nasty, that’s not what I was talking about! However, studies show that eating junk, particularly foods high in sugar, weakens your immune system, leaving you more susceptible to whatever buggies are floating around. I SUCK at this. I love food, I love healthy food, but I luuuuv me some sweeties too It’s amazing though, that the moment I know I’m sick, sugary or refined things become the last thing on my list of cravings. All of a sudden I’m paying attention to my body, which means I can’t ignore what it’s saying to me. If we’re going to get through this so I can get on with my life, we’ll just have to work together. Soup, tea, water, and nutrient rich foods can make a big difference nursing you back to health. (Note to self: Eating REGULARLY from the pool of immune-boosting foods will also PREVENT many of these little “common colds” too. Maybe I need to put this on sticky notes all over my house!) So, I don’t mean to be gross, but let me bring the point home: if you’ve got some funky lookin’ junk oozing from your nose and throat, some of the funky junk going IN lately could be one of the culprits.
The Quick List of Nature’s Medicine
You can look up the WHY’S of these on your own, all I’m saying is our medicine cabinet does lack a few things, namely, advil/tylenol, nyquil/dayquil, sudafed, Vicks, and so on. What’s there instead?
There’s probably a lot of things I’m missing, but with the above, our colds are always well managed. What I like, in a nutshell, about going this route is that you are giving your body some of nature’s stimulants, if you will, to boost its immune system and fight the cold itself. You are not taking chemicals to make you “feel” better while you wait it out, you are being proactive about your illness and reducing the likelihood that you’ll catch that strand again because of your stronger immune defense.
Neti Pot, My Little Miracle
I really can’t say enough about how much this little genie lamp concoction has reduced my sinus problems. According to wiki, this is used in India as often as brushing one’s teeth! It is not hard and it does NOT hurt, btw. All I’m gonna say is this: you know that feeling during a sinus cold/infection that there is something up there that you just cannot blow out without your brain coming with it? The Neti Pot gets THAT out. Yeah, nuf said. (As an aside, the neti pot is also supposed to work wonders for those with outdoor or pet allergies.)
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So as I battle off the second cold of the flu season, poor Lil’ E’s is sticking around, mainly because he doesn’t get the BLOW 
aspect and continues to keep that mucous around like a bad relative, and Hubby reports today that something is creepin up into his nose too. I’ve stripped the bed linens for a good hot washing and opened up the window to air out the house (thanks for the reminder, mom-in-law!) I’m really, really hoping that this will be the last health invader for this year’s winter!
Technorati Tags: Sickness, busy, moms, house, cold, homeopathic medicine, nature, immune system, refined, nutrient, health, immune-boosting, PREVENT, Medicine, Zinc, Echinacea, Goldenseal, Catnip, Elder Berries, ginger, Broth, chemicals, proactive, illness, defense, Neti Pot, sinus problems, infection, flu season, mucous, health, winter
Quite truthfully, Portland’s month of rain, rain and more rain is not really that bad. Maybe its the honeymoon phase. Perhaps I’m being idealistic. My survival mechanism is to go about life as usual, get on your jacket and head out. DO NOT STAY IN DOORS! Yes, the backyard is too soggy to play in, and the parks are pretty much the same. BUT the sidewalks and streets are filled with minor puddles on my way to indoor activities. Besides, without a car, staying out of the rain is hardly a choice. Walk we must, come rain or come shine. And its been a while since there was shine.
This morning, the clouds parted, and a very nice day broke through for a few hours. I was able to run out and feed the bunnies, take my counter composter to the bin, and inspect the vegetable garden a bit. It was enough to give me an itch for the glory days, namely, May-July when we had just moved here and the clear skies smelled of bloomin’ roses, and tulips and wild flowers greeted you at every turn! I can hardly remember our yard, sprouting with overgrowth that covered the paths, a gorgeous display of colors so rich in beauty that we ran out to take pictures and eat strawberries from the garden all month.
But as I’ve told many of you, the rains have brought with them, for me, a nice kind of hibernation. Bears do it, bees do it, let’s fall in love- type of feeling. At first, I had to turn to St. John’s Wort to keep the dark couped-up mood at bay. But that only lasted about a month (I’m way too forgetful to have to take something for very long!) and it was enough to get my spirits up and get my lifestyle OUT of the house. Since then, I’ve welcomed the rain and cold as a much needed r&r for this gal whose spent the past 23 years in the Florida sun. LOOOOOVIN’ the cafe’s and bookstores with their bottomless cups of java and cute mittens on my hands to hold my mug. Still prefer it to climates so UN-wintery.
But must admit, sometimes those darn puddles just annoy the ever livin’ crap out of me. Sometimes the constant drizzle of rain that makes any work put into your hairdo completely worthless gets under my skin. Sometimes I get the urge to put on a bikini and grab a beach towel and lay out in the grassy backyard and have some good ol’ Vitamin D toast me up. Sometimes the darkness by 4 pm is just the most ridiculous concept and I literally contemplate how some one needs to write a report about it and hand it in to the Big Guy.
All this to say, I can SURE appreciate Portland’s amazing Spring/summer combination, and I can’t wait. Just a few more months that, if all goes as usual, will fly by and then, oh the joys we will see of our bulbs spring back to life, of the wisteria on the gazebo start popping with little green leaves, the wild flowers I hope to plant after the last frost start to liven up our curb-side appeal. Such images and thoughts keep my heart nice and toasty during this month. Needless to say, we’ve been reading lots of The Cat in the Hat lately, and I’ve scoured my Rainy Day Activities with Toddlers book a few times!
On a side note, my amazing and beautiful pride of my heart two year old finally, tearfully, could not hold his bladder while straddling his potty today. Having been given an amount of water equal to the Willamette River, he ended up peeing at least 5 times in two hours; 3 times in his potty, twice on the chair during dinner. Poor guy!!! BUT he was SO happy to finally “make water” in the potty and the difference was completely and utterly due to giving him a book to read while doing his business. Hmmm… both Hubby and I like reading material while we take our potty breaks, so I suppose its no wonder! We are interested/anxious to see how the next few days play out as we use diapers for only outings and night… particularly when it’s time for Lil’ E’s mid-morning Numero Dos.
Job Update: Hubby still working to find employment, part of the 5% of the nation we heard about last week. Has applied to upwards of 20 or so legitimate ads, in addition to unemployment agencies, with several follow up phone calls on his part but no leads as of yet. We are working to stay busy and positive and not blow any money we have because we are so depressed! I literally got on my knees in the shower yesterday praying for a job that would make my husband happy. I know some how that all this will turn out all right in the end. There are so so many people we know that are going through just incredible hardships right now, so it certainly puts us in the “can’t complain” category! Thank GAWD!
Hope you all are trudgin’ through your January’s with high spirits, by and large unaffected (at least negatively!) by whatever weather and life conditions you’re facing!
As Lil’ E is my first, and so far only, child, I think it took me a bit long to catch on to the benefits of having him help me around the house. I recall one day just a few months ago when I was trying to scrub the kitchen floor. I filled my bucket, got down on my hands and knees with a sponge, and started at it - but the constant interruptions of my two year old started to really frustrate my to-do list. I’d have him set up in his room with an activity, explain that mommy has to clean the kitchen, and only moments after resuming my chore did he come peeking around the corner, curious about what I was up to.
I suppose I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes; It took Lil’ E ASKING if he could help me for me to realize this might be a great way to not only keep him occupied, but obviously teach him some valuable lessons as well!
In no time he had his own sponge and was getting down the technique, which I stated as simply, “Dip, Squeeze, Scrub!” (When he would dip, then scrub, we’d accumulate quite a puddle, so having the easy to remember steps was crucial.) He loved it! Though we’ve always tried to make him clean up his OWN messes (his toys, bring his dishes to the sink), he grew up so fast that I didn’t realize he was ready for bigger responsibilities! Now when I need to clean the house, he helps in a variety of ways and actually enjoys himself!
Here’s some suggestions for the every day engagement of toddlers, particularly when specialized teams, classes, or playgroups are not a tremendously convenient option:
Meal preparation: Pull up a chair, give them a plate, and demonstrate how to break apart broccoli, lettuce, so on. Sometimes I let him take handfuls of his own and carefully add it to the pot. Remember: Keep knives, spicy sauces, and heat from his/her area.
Laundry: It may take several trips, but having the little one carry clothes you hand them from the dryer to the bed/floor/couch to be folded saves you a little time you can use to prepare the next load to wash. Additionally, he loves to help while I am folding by finding all the socks in the pile and putting them in a box for me. (Sure beats having them knock over your nicely folded piles to get your attention!)
Grocery shopping: Lil’ E is SO OVER the cart, which presents a problem when he decides its fun for me to abandon my groceries in order to chase him through the store. Most often I can avoid this altogether by asking for his help in pushing the cart, (basically, just holding on somewhere with one of his hands.) If I can spare a little time, it’s also much more rewarding to engage him in picking out and naming produce and other grocery items than viewing him as merely a bored bystander to MY interesting activity. Also, kids can be a great help in sorting items once home. Because produce is generally in drawers and low to the ground, I usually pass the fruits and vegetables on to the little guy to put away.
On the bus/in the car: I have found that engaging my toddler on a public bus is WAY easier than when we had a car. We bring small books, toys in my pocket, sing songs (quietly!), and point out any number of things out the window. If your in a vehicle, you can still try keeping the music down here and there to talk about something on the road, or what color the stop lights are, so on.
Walking down the street: Collect things: a few stones, leaves, nuts- bring them home and let them make a craft or decorate the table with them. Read road signs, point out the letters and colors. Simply talk about what you see. Lil’ E and I walk a little less than a mile and back to get to the grocery store/shopping center area, not to mention the many walks between bus transfers, and there are times when I think I’m going to go mad if he whines or drags his feet while I lug him and 3 heavy bags of groceries along. But if I can put myself in his shoes, (sometimes he’s cranky, hungry, has a full diaper, tight rainboots, so on) I can always figure out a way to distract him long enough to make it to our destination (sing a song together, ask him questions, give him praise). Sometimes simply acknowledging what’s wrong with him is all he needs in order to hear my request (i.e. “I know you must be very hungry, right? Okay, I’m sorry you are so hungry, and if you can just walk with me around this corner we will be home and you can have a snack, okay?” “Okaaaaaaay, mama.”) For the record, I don’t starve my child; for them a one hour fast is a feat of Ghandi-like proportion!
House-cleaning: As I pointed out in the anecdote at the start, having a toddler “dip, squeeze, scrub” it good for you, them, AND your floor! I also give Lil’ E a rag now and ask him to dust or wipe the walls down. When I clean the bathroom (which is rare because this duty is manifestly the reponsibility of the adult male in this household!) I usually get the most done when I let him clean the tub while in it, while I clean the floors/counters/mirrors/toilet. (Remember: I use only safe products to clean- the water bucket for cleaning has warm water and a little all natural dish soap, and sometimes a few drops of an essential oil. The bathtub cleaning agent is simply baking soda and water. If there is anything you should be wearing gloves for, it’s not suitable for a toddler!)
I have no doubt that toddler’s grow into eye-rolling teenagers quicker than you can say “attitude”, so getting these little every day lessons in, (and some eager help around the house), should be capitalized on while you can!
Technorati Tags: toddler, work-at-home, wahm, motherhood, helper, chores, parenting tips
