Welcome to MamaNeedJava! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

What a strange passed few weeks I have had. I’m not sure where to begin and how much I am at liberty to share, but suffice to say that my employment situation (like the rest of the nations?!) has been in limbo (sort of?) and out playing golf and just plain driving the “planner” in me bonkers.

I love working, I really do, and I tell myself that I am darn lucky to do what I do, from home, even if I barely pay the bills, even if I feel Lil’ E is being neglected, even if I do not have the job security of permanent employment nor the perks of benefits or paid sick days. The long and short of it is part survival, part pleasure.

My (main) job has been more or less back and forth, one month I am planning for the inevitable discontinuation of my current role by brainstorming possible new careers (web design? in-home childcare again?) and the next month I am toying with the real possibility that I will be hired on permanently, which will be both a financial strain in some ways and simultaneously a great peace of mind. I struggle with seeing how things “work” out there in the great big world, where a job I already work can’t just be, well, my JOB. But I know life and corporations are more complicated than that and I try daily to leave things in God’s hands - while my captain insano “be prepared” speech turns on and I start worrying all night long about June 1st’s rent!

It’s fairly exausting to worry, as I am sure you all know. It’s not a positive energy and rarely leads to positive actions aside from getting you moving, which may or may not be what you actually need to be doing. Freud might say that being a “doer” is overcompensating for “dreamer” parents, who knows. Several people, some of whom know nothing about this situation in my life, have mentioned something along the lines of the following advice: Get to that quiet place where you can hear, and go from there.

In the meantime, let me tell you - this brain is so not quiet, and my body feels at times like its under panic attack for real! I know that the God I have relationship with is so so so darn good and true and faithful, and never once have I been regretful for surrendering my plans and worries over to him. At the same time, I am habitual in my efforts to take over and PLAN for Him, and not doing so takes concentrated effort just about every milli-second of the day.

That and two facts you will find rather TMI (”too much information”, for the grandparents): I have the first of these in like a decade and they are driving me crazy with preoccupation and additional worry AND I am SO this.

[/rant].

I plan to enjoy our last day with Ethan’s bud, Finn, on Friday, as the family we child-swap with will be moving to the east coast this weekend. We might meet a new childcare possibility the same day, more of a “nanny-share” (God, You’ve got a sense of irony about these things, don’t you?) This weekend expects to be a sunnier one than we’ve had as of late, and I plan to soak it up as much as realistically possible (Farmer’s Market on Saturday, some Coop building in the backyard, so on.) The fresh air always does me good, (one reason the carless thing is likely less of a big deal to me than it might otherwise be), so perhaps by early next week I will have some post’s for you of great fun and jubilation

Hope every one is having better luck in the future plans/economy/emotional health department - as my brother ALWAYS SAYS:

Can’t complain- Things could be a lot worse!

As the timer ticks away my “work” hour, Lil’ E patiently plays with his choo choo’s. He also, while potty training the Naked Method, pooped in his room during my “work” hour.

Obviously, life as a work from home mom is a little unorthodox. I woke up this morning to the realization that it was President’s Day, and while many of the people I work with get a paid day off, I get to file my taxes and take a nap, sans income. Of course, I’ll play catch up on some things and get in some hours today anyhow, so I’m grateful for the “holiday”.

This passed week has been what folks in Portland lovingly call “The February Fake Out”; the temps rise, clouds part, ground gets a little less soggy, and citizens rejoice. We took some glorious walks this weekend, saving the bus fare in exchange for the crisp oxygen. I got to garden a bit last Friday while the kiddos and Peter the Rabbit ran around the yard. I have never experienced the thrill of seeing bulbs shooting up, revealing that under the dead leftovers of last year’s seasons, something new is stirring. I couldn’t wait, and got a dark red potted tulip at Garden Fever to bring in and place on my kitchen counter. It blesses the sun by opening up in mid-day and showcasing its dark and velvety inner core. I never even knew what tulips looked like when they opened up, or that they opened up at all!

So, while you must excuse me for any cheesy metaphorical stretch this is for the average non-Lit mommy blog, I can’t help but feel the little February fake-out open up some things in me that have been lingering under the impending death of old seasons of my life.

When I began this blog, my son was a nursing cruiser not even one year’s old. Now he is lengthening, widening, expanding every which away, ingenious enough to inform me, “Mama, you’re my best friend ever ever ever” or “Mama, you and I have Quesadillas in our butt.”

In the past nearly two years of writing this blog, my career was that of a brand new graduate, technically a “temp” for a great publishing company, doing whatever the heck was asked of me and learning as much as I could to gain experience. (There was the few months I was freelance writing first, and most of the time I held additional part-time jobs on the side.) Pulling away the end of the “toddler” season of my life, the “first job” layers that are all decrepit and mossy, I can see a few sprouts coming up. I’ll turn 24 in one week, crazy enough. What will mid-twenties have in store for me? I will phase into new and maybe risky career moves (shh, I’ll tell you more about it in a few months) in the next year, and I can sense that in many ways I’ll have to learn to surrender some of my best laid plans for those that might not be as comfortable and secure. Of course, I’ve got an entrepreneurial spirit so I’ll enjoy the ride.

So there you go, a few insights into my life, in general, while I sip my “Authentic Cajun” mug boasting a little blurb about “joie de vivre”.

Growing up in Southwest Florida, there was this water park nearby that had a feature called “The Lazy River”. The idea was that, after embarking on a bunch of slidetastic water adventures, you could grab a ginormous raft and float along the river, not really realizing you were being simultaneously burnt to a crisp.

As a kid, my friends and I would usually race down the “river”, which was a narrow, shallow pool winding through the water park with a few jets every so often to keep the current moving slowly in the same direction. When you’re about 60 pounds and 4 foot nuthin’, those jets could seem like a miniature tsunami! If you weren’t careful when you zipped through them, they could pull you under a bit and spit you back out a few feet later. (Shhh- we secretly wanted that to happen- a very dramatic event for an 8 year old.)

Life still has those moments sometimes, albiet significantly more adult-like. When I’m not careful, the responsibilities of feeding, bathing, playing, nurturing and teaching a toddler can pile up, along with a never-ending supply of household messes that recreate themselves the moment I turn my back on them. Add to the list a job or TWO and you start to get that feeling like if you just keep moving, just fast enough (but not too fast, mind you, or you’ll risk burning out on the other end) you might be able to keep from being pulled under.

This week, I started using a timer to stay on schedule, alternating hours between “work” and “home” in order to try to achieve some semblance of balance for both. Yesterday was the first real day doing this, and I’m happy to report it went rather well! I was able to work 4 hours during the “day” and 4 hours from 7-11pm. The other hours during the day I was playing with Lil’ E, helping him pick up his room, weeding the backyard, and making dinner. Lil’ E picked up on the whole timer thing really well, as he is just old enough to get that he needs to respect my “work” time for the hour until the bell goes off, so long as at that moment he knows I also save my projects and focus on him a little. I’ll be blogging a lot more about this whole timer concept at VivianWrites once I’ve got some solid tips for using a timer to telecommute with toddler in tow.

Today was Lil’ E’s first day at the new childcare swap situation. I don’t think I even need to tell you how great the report was; all the good food he ate, all the playing he did, and how big of a fit he pitched when I came to bring him home ten hours later! Lordy! I can’t wait to have their little boy over on Friday to play, sans work, like a regular ol’ fashioned stay-at-home-mom!

In the meantime, I’ve just counted the new 22 “events” that have been requested in the last week for one job, (and I’ve got some major deadlines to get my (other) boss’ site and blog up and running by the end of the week!)

Suffice to say, I’m attempting to keep ahead of the current! Just keep reminding myself that success is in the steady pace, not the sprint…

BTW- Hubby’s got several leads finally coming through and even if none of them pan out, he still starts his position at a call center with a temp agency on Monday morning, woo hoo!

Technorati Tags: responsibilities, feeding, playing, nurturing, teaching, toddler, household, job, schedule, work, home, balance, telecommute, childcare, stay-at-home-mom

If only it weren’t for the LOST PREMIERE tomorrow, we would definitely love to go down to Last Thursday on Alberta and check out what’s happening. The family we will be swapping care with will be showing (dad’s) art at a gallery he co-owns, they’ll be serving hot chocolate and winter themed art, sounds nice!

I found this little video on Alberta, and I think it does a great job showing just how special the little neighborhoods of Portland  are, particular Alberta, one of my favorites, and walking distance away too! Check it out!!!

We will be riding our bikes down there today to check out the home Lil E will be going for the swap, which is a great excuse to lock up the bikes and walk around Alberta, grab some pizza and stuff. Love it!

What a week! I’m finally feeling what I would call “much” better, just some nose blowin here and there. So I’m having a glass of red tonight to toast my health- CHEERS! (do I look like I’ve gone through one too many tissue boxes or what?)

Anyhoo, here’s my weekend life in a nutshell:

I discovered a newfound love for all things Linda Rondstadt:

I also saw three new (to me) movies: Apocalypto, 3:10 to Yuma, and The Cat in the Hat; as well as a few favs from our own collection: The Matrix and Lord of the Rings; The Fellowship of the Ring. Sick days on the couch have one good thing going for them, shameless movie marathons!

I got a lot of work caught up on, leaving me only a total of 5 hours short of 40 for the week.

I did not go to church because I didn’t want to wheeze and cough on anyone’s daily bread. I did, however, join the forums, which are just about the coolest thing for a church to do, ever. That and show Jesus’ love, of course.

I am increasingly excited about Thursday night and will be posting tomorrow about all of the ideas I can come up with for a “Lost Theme Party”.

I am more or less exhausted and trying to pull into that determined, task-oriented Vivian I know and love in order to get back up on the saddle. This is usually even more so the case when Hubby is unemployed/home all day, and I don’t have an office to shut myself up in! Oh the winds of change, please come!

Well, this has been your weekend update with MamaNeedJava. Good night, and good luck…

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m suffering from multitasking overload. You know, that familiar feeling that there is so much to do, you don’t want to do any of it? I’ve come down with an illness for the second time in the last month, which is very frustrating because of how much I feel it holds me back. My energy is lower, my spirit feels “off”, I can’t sleep well, so on. But I also notice that when I’m sick, my body is done begging my lifestyle to change: It’s forcing it to!

Yesterday, I asked Hubby to pick up cinnamon buns at Whole Foods for breakfast. After a diet of coffee, scones, wine and cheese for the last two weeks, I began to wake up craving something sweet and having a low desire to cook and eat fresh foods. Hmmm. Last night after dinner I began to feel funny, went to lie down, and woke up 3 hours later with a fever and swollen throat, aching back and neck, so on. When I got up this morning, what was the LAST thing I wanted to eat? Cinnamon buns! Yuck! I’m sick now, all I want is fluids and warm soup and vitamins! (Wish I woulda thought of that preemptively!) I remembered something Diane posted over at The Mommy Spot about fevers, (though I have no idea where I might find catnip, save the pet store, but I’m sure if I poke around at the Co-op I’ll come across it!) But mainly that, duh, the body is trying to heal itself when things like this happen. I’m not at all surprised I got sick, after the diet, lack of sleep, and Wednesday out in the cold; I was a walking germ-magnet.

But I particularly want to get to this point of multitasking overload. I was telling my mother-in-law today that I wish I could just do both; that is, work very hard AND remember to take my vitamins, drink water, read books, yoga, pray, whatever to take care of myself too. For some reason these things become mutually-exclusive for me!

So I’m spending some time while practically couch-ridden to think over my lifestyle, which is not at all unlike most young American working mothers, and ponder just what might be making me sick, literally.

I’ve read before that multitasking is actually bad for our brains. We actually aren’t multi-tasking when we think we are, it is simply a series of very short consecutive thoughts that tend to leave us forgetful and absent-minded, not performing one job very well, but several jobs, if we are lucky, satisfactory. This was brought up again on the Today Show this morning and I found it very interesting. I honestly do not know how to NOT multitask. I can’t tell you when exactly it began, probably around the time I started caring about my grades in school, but since then I’ve just been one of those people who studies with the tv on and intermittently checks my e-mail, and now a mom whose on the phone in a staff meeting with my laptop open doing some work while some one else is talking, and intermittently changing a diaper! Same ol’ Viv, just different tasks.

It’s very frustrating for me sometimes, the way my brain is constantly thinking through all the things I want to do and learn and be. Not a week goes by that I don’t think seriously about scrapping this random blog and trying to start a few that are more focused on a particular niche- in the end, I just cannot decide what that niche would be! It’s disheartening but very true that I am a “jack of all trades, master of none.” That works great sometimes. It certainly makes me available for a variety of non-expert jobs! But in the end, I’m, well look at me, I’m working three jobs! My brain is like my livingroom, switching between Work 1 to Work 2 faster than I can plug in the second laptop chord (there are a total of 4 laptops in my living room!)

I suspect a large percentage of twenty-somethings feel a bit like this, so I’m not at all implying I’m alone in this. In fact, I’d say my generation is one very susceptible to believing they can “be anything” and therefore TRY everything. So you’re like me: you know a little about writing, a little about nutrition, a little about marriage, a little about parenting styles, a little about html, a little about wine, a little about religion, a little about movies, a little about books, a little about politics, a little about finances, a little about just about everything- but you aren’t known for being good at any one thing. I envy my friends who are good at certain things: Editors, web designers, accountants, so on. They KNOW their craft. I mean, I got my degree in Journalism but I would never actually say I KNOW my craft.

Now I’m going on several tangents here but I feel like they are all a little bit connected. There’s this feeling in me for the past several years, something sort of, lacking rest. I’m sometimes wonder if I can even hold a conversation in a social setting because my brain is running speeds ahead of what the other person is saying!

So I was thinking, when was the last time that I wasn’t feeling like this? And I pinpointed the time period after Lil’ E’s delivery. Granted, a new mom is CERTAINLY multi-tasking a million baby things for which they are grossly unprepared for! But something about it, how it was JUST baby things, and that’s all, made me feel like a whole different person for a couple of months. I remember thinking I’ll never be that old Vivian, the one running at a million miles a minute and able to handle all kinds of deadlines all the time. I could make it out to check the mail, and that would be my big accomplishment for the day! But my brain was there, all there. I slowed down, took care of myself while I tandem nursed our co-sleeping infant, and the rest was sorta take-it-or-leave-it. It was a nice feeling, when a friend called with a burden, to actually feel for them and be present enough to listen to what they were saying, if that makes any sense. I was slow, steady, present.

Of course, it wouldn’t be long, just about 8 weeks, before I resumed my mostly at-home internship and started watching a second child from home and adding all kinds of layers to my life above and beyond my family and I. This is necessity, right? Financially, at least, it is. And on top of that, I don’t think we live in a society that looks highly upon single-task people, unless of course they are incredible musicians or engineers- certainly not just plain ol mothers! For sure, there is something internal or external that tells me it is lazy to do my life any other way.

Which typically plays out for a couple of weeks until I burn out, get sick, and am forced to sit around thinking about it (and in turn, writing excessively long blog posts to my poor and unsuspecting readers!)

Thoughts?

Technorati Tags: multitasking, illness, energy, sick, lifestyle, vitamins, multitasking, working mothers, brains, Today Show, blog, mom, baby

Just a neat tidbit while I scour Powell’s for used nutrition books. Think I might try “The Best Life Diet”, watcha think?

So as many of you have probably guessed, Hubby’s unemployment has meant putting our dreams of the perfect preschool on hold. Which sort of means two additional hardships: a delay in my need for part-time childcare while I work from home and a delay in Lil’ E’s need for socialization with something other than the back of mommy’s laptop! Of course, for the time being the childcare part is taken care of by the stay-at-home dad, but we’re hoping that is very, very temporary.

Well, I am pretty hopeful that perhaps we’ve found a good solution, at least for one day a week! My mama-in-law brought this ad on UrbanMamas to my attention a few days ago. Today we met Amy, her husband, and their almost 2 year old son and our families seemed to really click. After stopping by their place this weekend, we’re going to move forward with the “childcare swap” idea and see how it goes! (Many thanks to my M.I.L.D.E.W. for doing something right, which it turns out, is pretty common… a little more like a M.I.L.D.E.R.)

So keep your fingers crossed that this is a mutually-beneficial set up that allows both Amy and I to get a whole day of work in sans toddler- without financially paying for it!!! woot-woot.

Check out the latest over at VivianWrites!

Information Week came out with this article yesterday regarding the internet’s effect on environmental issues, and reported the following regarding telecommuters:

“Internet-enabled capabilities like telecommuting, e-commerce, teleconferencing, and distance learning that have been around for decades are expected to play an increasing role in cutting energy consumption–reducing air travel and the need for warehouses, trips to the mall, and even malls themselves. The American Consumer Institute projects that telecommuting alone will cut CO₂ emissions by more than a half million tons over the next decade.”

A study commissioned by the Consumer Electronics Association (CEA) reported the following statistics about telecommuting:

“… using electronics to telecommute saves the equivalent of 9 to 14 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity per year — the same amount of energy used by roughly 1 million U.S. households every year. The findings also indicate the estimated 3.9 million telecommuters in the United States reduced gasoline consumption by about 840 million gallons, while curbing carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions by nearly 14 million tons. This level of CO2 reduction is equal to removing 2 million vehicles from the road every year.”

While telecommuting or working from home offers a great many other perks, it doesn’t hurt that it’s also the ultimate “green” way to work!